Empty

Alright...I wanted to post something yesterday, but just as I went on my blog, my internet screws over and decides that it's not gonna work although the connection says "Excellent". Sure, whatever...I was in the mood to blog, but I was actually more in the mood to sleep because I was dead tired =). Anyway, I'm here now, blabbing away again...Enjoy.

First thing's first: Badminton City Finals!!! Yea, today was the day. First match that we played, which decided whether or not we'd play in the gold/silver round was the most intense match I've ever had. The score ended 11-21, 28-26, 22-20, with us taking the match 2-1. How awesome is that! I'm so stoked. It was amazing, although I didn't really pull off amazing shit, it was fun as hell. The other team were good sports too and enjoyed the match thoroughly. We went on to the gold/silver match with only 5 minutes of rest because our first match took so freaking long. It was alright though...Although I was pretty tired, I managed to get my spirits up and took my partner (I'm not going to use her last name because it's so freaking long and I don't know how to spell it) into the game. It was against Diefenbaker...Our rivals, grudge matches all throughout the seniors doubles side. The first game, I guess adrenalin was doing its job and we took the game 21-17 and even through the second game we were doing really well until the last few minutes when my cold finally hit me like a brick. We lost that game 18-21...It hurt pretty bad because we were so close...But on came the third game...It was really close all the way through until 11-11...When my legs shut down on me and we kept on hitting it out...They took that last game 13-21. We lost in the gold/silver match 1-2 and ended up second place with a silver medal. It was pretty heart wrenching in the end, but I did my very best and my partner did as well. We had so much fun and to be honest, that's all that really matters...Having that silver medal around my neck doesn't hurt either =). I truly feel that this cold brought my game down a bit though and if I was playing without sickness, we could have ended that match, coming out on top. It's okay though, I'm pretty proud of myself for doing as well as I did, trying as hard as I did and I'm super thankful for Piao and Hong who came to watch us play. It was a huge support and they made it that much more fun...I wanted some more people to come, but I guess you can't ask for too much at a time hey? That's okay...It was better than last year when no one was there...Haha, but that's all in the past...No worries.

So I'm still sick...After my stomach flu got better, I ended up catching the flu. It's extremely annoying...And I lost my voice...I sounded like a dying horse when I went to play badminton today, but surprisingly, coming out, I sounded a little better. Voice still cracks like a prepubescent boy, but that's okay, it reminds me of the good days back in Vancouver xP. Speaking of which...Plane tickets are set!!! Leaving this hellhole at 8:00AM on May 18th and coming back *sniff* at 11:30PM on Monday, May 26th. W0ooot XD. Sorry for the slight distraction...Just a tad excited. Anyway, I haven't done much homework or study at all lately because of all the badminton and being sick...OH YEA!! I want to congratulate Hirata and Hong for getting gold in Cities and making it to Zones! They deserved every bit of it. Played their hearts out and did an awesome job. Super proud of Hirata who overcame her insecurities and played confident. She's a good girl, best of luck to both of them in Zones! Okay...Damnit, I'm really bad with these distractions today. Okay, where was I...Oh yes, whining about me being sick...Yea, I'm sick and it's a bitch...Hopefully it'll go away soon so I can get down to some hardcore studying for my IB exams...My U.T. entrance depends on it!

Okay...Now, I should talk about the title of my blog...Empty. That's how I feel right now...I was actually talking to Piao about it a little bit yesterday and he said it's just another form of insecurity...I guess it could be true, but the feeling sucks...Everyday, I go to school, it just feels like a giant zone of uncomfortableness...I see, that's not a word...But that's how I feel and it sucks. It's like I want to talk to some people, but at the same time I don't...So I just have all these things choked up in the middle...And in the end, I always seem to decide to just swallow it and move on...Every time by the end of French class, I feel like I wanna die because the air of uncomfortableness just engulfs me...*SigH* Also, I feel like staying in my covers all the time...There's no one that I can really talk to anything about anymore...That's here anyway...Everyone seems to have their own confidant and I kinda just float around...I really didn't mind it before, but now...Just recently...This feeling of emptiness and loneliness is really starting to bug the shit out of me. I really want to see Fang...Talk to her in person...Every time I think I'm in trouble I turn to her...But now that her residence at 89 Chestnut isn't a guarantee anymore...It feels so unnerving. Also, there's the possibility that when we actually see each other, everything between us won't be the way that I imagined it to be...Which also scares the living hell out of me...What then? Who will I turn to? I don't know...It seems all of a sudden, I'm so dependent on other people...I don't understand it...I think I just want to be important to someone you know? Be someone that a person can turn to and yell at with the comfort of knowing I'll still be there the next time they need someone. At the same time, I want there to be someone I can be comfortable around too...Go to them and take out all my frustrations, but know that they won't walk away. In the midst of all this...I want it to be comfortable and natural...Why is that so hard to find...I guess I'm just impatient huh? If I just wait things out...I'll be able to to find someone like that one day...I guess the key phrase there is "one day". Ah well...School's almost over...I think I'll be more at peace when that happens...At least I'll be able to move away from that zone of uncomfortableness...xP. Right now...The only thing that's keeping my head above the water is that trip to Vancouver. Really looking forward to it...Come quicker please!

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to the graduation banquet now...Pretty much 80/20 in favor of not going...I find it so pointless...Knowing myself, I'll probably be stupid and bring everyone down on a very important day of their lives. I don't wanna ruin it for them and I don't wanna ruin it for myself...In the end, "it's just another Friday. The day after will still be a Saturday." Gah...My mind's beginning to wander and I think I should finish this post off with uploading a couple of songs...First one is "1000 Words"...It's from Final Fantasy XII, but it's sang by Du. I hope she doesn't mind me putting it up...Actually I'm pretty sure she'll kill me, but I think she's really talented and the quality of this song is amazing. It was really well done and I wanna put it up...But if you really want me to take it down...REALLY want me to...Just let me know. I also want to put up a song by VAE. It's called..."Chen Shi Mei". Really, I don't like the guy's voice and I really don't know what the lyrics are about, but I find the music extremely nice. I've been listening to a bunch of his songs while lying on my bed just staring at the ceiling. They're very calming and it makes you feel good. Check out some of his songs if you want. I say if you're very stressed, upset or tired, listen to some of his music...It feels like everything just floats away. Just try to ignore his voice...Not many people seem to be a fan of it xP, but if you like it, that's a bonus, haha. Alright, time to go finish my portfolio. Stupid thing...Hope the person that made the decision that we need a portfolio gets a flu and loses their voice for a week *nod nod*. That's a good punishment right? Haha...Until next time...Later days =P.