"The One with Friends"

Well, it's Sunday night and here I am, taping away at my keyboard working on another post. I think I like posting the most on Sunday nights...I don't really know exactly why...but I think it's got to do with something along the lines of the end of a week and it's time to recap everything sort of...thing. The weekend's been pretty good. I had work today. It was good...busy, so that made time go by a lot faster. Made lots of sales and the most accomplished thing I think I did today was buy myself a pair of aviators. Yup, that's right, after 2 years of torturing myself with wanting these things, I saw them for a pretty cheap price and decided to go with it. I think they're pretty nice and the best thing is, they fit me well. First pair of any glasses that I put on and felt "they belong!" you know? See, it may not seem like it's a very big deal to you, but with my Asian bone structure and nose, finding glasses in North America without feeling like they're going to slip off any second is extremely difficult. Yea, it's pretty awesome. I think they're mirrored too...bonus.

Anyway, I think the title of this post pretty much gives away what I'm going to talk about today...if you don't recognize the "The One with..." beginning, I'm sorry, but get your ass on a couch and watch some T.V.! Please, for your own sake. It's ripped off from the sitcom FRIENDS. Yea, the one with the...friends...in New York. Moving on, a few days ago, I was talking to Du about a way to distract me from the university situation and she mentioned watching every episode of FRIENDS. Well...long story short, that's what I'm doing now. I finished the first season...already...it was fun. I'm sure anyone that's watched the show can relate to at least one of the characters in some ways. I'm pretty sure that's why people like it so much. They got everything in there...the control freak, the weird one, the pimp, the spoiled little girl, the funny one and of course...Ross. You see, I'm not quite sure how to generalize him because "a dorky paleontologist" just doesn't seem to be a stereotype these days. But continuing, their life together seems so great. A lot of times, when I'm watching it, I'm picturing my future with my own little group of close close friends. Of course, they all met when they were in college, so I still have time to make a little circle of close friends. I mean, they do everything together! Even ridicule each other of the people they're going out with...how cool is that? Just because some friends tell you that they don't think you and the person your dating is compatible, you're willing to listen to your friends and dump the chump...now that kind of trust is real trust. Because I've been watching FRIENDS very excessively these days, I've been kinda trying to place my friends as the characters...you know you've all done it, shut up. But when I try...I can't really pin point anyone in particular...and with some thinking and an experience from yesterday, I think I understand the reason is because I'm not as close to anyone as the characters in FRIENDS are with each other. Understandable right? I mean they've all known each other for a billion years...I, on the hand, have not known anyone for that long =P. That's okay though...I'm pretty happy with the friends I have right now, even if we're not all that close. Someday though, someday, I hope to find friends like that.

Now, another reason why I wanted to make this post. You know the "experience" I...experienced yesterday? Yea, that kind of made me open my eyes a little bit. Okay, so last night, I took my sister out to Taco Bell. I don't know...kinda wanted to spend some time with her. Anyway, since Du left her jacket at my house a very long time ago when she was showing my parents knives, I decided to bring it to her house since I got the car and didn't feel like going home. So I got there and initially, I planned to give her, her jacket and take my sister to go play at some park for a while then go home, but her mom invited us in and my sister seemed to want to stay for a bit, so I decided why not. I didn't know her parents had their close friends over so a lot of Du's old friends from Queen Elizabeth were there. It was pretty enjoyable chilling with them, playing some pool, playing some card games. But after a while, my sister wanted to leave so I took her to leave. (Don't worry, I'll get to my point soon, be patient.) Yea, so I was about to drive home when my sister looked at me and said, "too bad we couldn't play at the park." Her eyes were tearing up a little bit and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Haha, so of course, I took her to the little playground near Du's and she played there for an hour or so. It was nice...playing with my baby sister...I'll probably not have many chances in the future. Soon she'll be my age and I'll be balding. So yea, it was really nice taking my sister out. Back to the main point, when I was hanging out with Du and her friends, I got a vibe. It was a vibe of...not belonging. It wasn't anything in the realm of them not including me or anything, but it's just a vibe. They were very nice with everything, but a part of me felt like there was a barrier separating me from them. When I was thinking about this on the way home, I remembered something Du told me a couple of times in the past. "My best friends." I finally understood why she missed them so much. When I was there, it felt like they were puzzle pieces to a puzzle and when they're together, everything felt complete. The atmosphere was fresh...and although it felt like they had their differences, everyone belonged. They're all going to UWO next year and with that, I'm sure there will be many more memories and they'll be even closer after the university experience. I envy her...no, feel happy for her. She has a great group of friends and she cherishes them very much. I wish the best to them all in the future and maybe someday, I'll be able to create that special bond with my own group of friends.

Alright, that's pretty much all I wanted to say about Friends...but I have some random things on my mind so I'll just let it out now. Yesterday, Yang was also as Du's. Even though we can laugh around each other now...it still felt like he kind of resents me. I'm probably wrong, but it's just a feeling. When we were playing pool...it felt like he really wanted to win...so for some reason, I didn't want to win. I mean, I tried, but the outcome didn't matter to me...which was weird because I love pool. Anyway, by the end of the night, I kind of wanted to just go up to him and tell him that he has nothing to worry about with me and Du. I wanted to clear everything up, but in the end, I decided it was best to just let things be. In a month, I'll probably never see him again so it doesn't really matter at this point. Yea...just wanted to let that out.

On another note, Collins left me a comment on my last post and it's been bugging me a while now, but every time someone comments on my posts, I tend to just leave it most of the time. It's not that I don't want to respond...I just feel like a major tool bag leaving comments on my own thing. So from now on, any comment will be responded to in the next post...in this case...this post. Right...so I think I'm done for the night...I don't think I organized this post very well...meh whatever. Later days =P.

Response: Thank you "Collins" (I would call you by your first name, but I just can't bring myself to do so, I'm sorry). All I can say is, I hope that when I find that girl, she'll appreciate the little things =P.
Secret #34: Am I giving up?

Under the Moon

It's been about a little more than a week since I posted and I guess things have settled down a little bit. UT's still a question, although by this time next week, hopefully all my worries will be over. I've wanted to post so many times this week, but I think I've realized that the more I have on my mind, the less I'll actually post. The past week has been pretty lame for me. Everyday, the UT thing is on my mind and I can't stop thinking about it. It really means a lot to me. On Monday, after I called around and didn't get a final answer to my acceptance, I was pretty upset. It didn't help that my dad wanted me to do everything in the span of 10 seconds either. In the end, I just couldn't stay at home anymore. I left my house and I seriously wanted to talk to someone. I called Du and even though I knew she was with her boyfriend from her response, I couldn't pretend that everything was okay. I feel kinda guilty for dragging her out when she was with Yang, but I guess I decided to be a little selfish at that point. Just wanted to be with someone. I took Du and Yang to the river. I haven't visited that place in quite a while...ever since I moved, so it was pretty refreshing. The scenery was beautiful and the casual conversation between the three of us helped me calm down a lot. Although I wanted to just say everything I felt at that moment, I held back and just put it aside for a while. When Yang and Du were at the playground, I went down to my rock...I spent so many hours there when I wasn't feeling well and once again, it helped me out. In that secluded little place, where the water just rushes down the river, I talked to myself...I let everything out and it felt better afterwards. It reminded me of the past though...the times where I couldn't stand staying at home anymore and would just sit there, listening to my music, watching people fly fish for hours on end...until my mp3 died. It was a nice moment. Afterwards, we went to eat dinner. Had a very entertaining Japanese dinner and the laughter made me forget a lot of things. After several hours out, I went home, feeling much better. Thanks Du...thanks Yang...for being there.

This university thing...to be honest, if it was just about the university, I couldn't care less which one I went to. There's only one reason why I chose UT over all the other universities and I felt so bad that day was because it felt like everything was against what I really wanted. The one thing that I truly want seemed to be drifting further and further away from me. It was just an unpleasant feeling. I don't know...the fact that no one else thinks it's that big of a deal...especially...it just makes me think all this is in vain. I think I've finally accepted whatever happens, happens. The world isn't going to end just because I don't go to UT. And really, honestly, I don't think I'll be missed if I don't go. As much as I hate to say it...it feels like it. But this whole fiasco is about to be over soon. Even if I feel like no one cares, I still really want to go. I hope the people at UT will accept me. If not...the disappointment will eventually go away...eventually.

The moon's really beautiful tonight. It looks like it's almost full. It's actually the reason why I really wanted to post today. As I was heading home on the bus, I saw the moon rise into the air. It looked so close...so gorgeous. I've always been fascinated with the moon...the mysteries that surrounds it...the way it illuminates the Earth when the sun sets. Much like the river, I can just lie beneath it and stare into its gaze forever. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I've often pictured myself with a girl just star gazing into the depth of the night. I'm sure everyone has done this at some point of their life. The serene vibe that it gives is enough to make all the worries go away...calm the soul. I picture this moment with the two of us, lying on a rooftop or on a grassy hill, just looking. Nothing else in the world matters...in this world...at that moment, it'll only be me, her and the clear sky filled with stars and the guardian moon. Silence fills the air and as the night wind softly passes the grass...the hill...the sky, she leans closer to me. I hold her closer, hoping the little warmth that I can give is enough to bring a smile on her face. There...in the peacefulness of the night, all the worries, frustrations, anger would just float away. As I turn my head sideways...I find that she's fast asleep...with the smallest, yet most beautiful smile in the world.

Bloody Sunday *SigH*

Yea...not in a very good mood at the moment. Past few days have been pretty shitty and stressful. It's been bugging me for a while now that UT hasn't sent me anything so I decided to look through my packages again to see what's going on, when school starts and such. I also needed the date to apply for some student loans. So as I went through this booklet they gave us, a few days ago, my eyes glance across an "enrollment confirmation" section. For the longest time now, I thought I've done everything necessary to note that I've accepted my enrollment in UT. Seems like everything was a green light until I read this and curiously, while being a little scared, I went through the UT website to find the "enrollment confirmation" place they're talking about. I don't know who the hell designed the stupid ass website, but it's not there. I mean, it could be that they took off a quick link since it's past the deadline, but it's no where to be found throughout the damn website. I found this out on Friday night, so I can't call them until tomorrow...so since then I've been freaking out, wondering if they actually have me accepted and saved me a spot in their school. Damn it all! At that time, I was seriously pissed and scared...but there was nothing I could do at that moment right? So being me...I kinda prepared to brush it aside for the weekend and just try to enjoy my summer as it is. Sounds fair? Yea...

So Saturday was okay...I worked for most of it and it was a pretty normal day. Although the thought of that kept lingering on my mind, it didn't bother me too much. The night went pretty well too. I talked to Chi, (no you ignorant white people, it's not Chi as in Tai Chi. Pronounced very different, so I wasn't speaking with my inner self) and it was really nice. Her birthday's coming up soon so I decided to give her an early birthday shout. I ended up talking with her until 3 in the morning v.v''. It was fun though, I don't really remember what we talked about, but she made me show her what Canada looks like at night with my webcam...I found that humorous because Calgary's night life is no where near as exciting as China's...especially if you live in Cranston. Where? Yea...I wouldn't know where it was either if I didn't live here. But yea, that cheered me up and I went to bed with a smile on my face.

As I woke up, my mind was all about my IB marks. Today's the day that they come out and I was actually pretty excited to see what I got. So I got up and the first thing I did was go on the website and check. My smile turned into a straight line, then into a frown. 6 in Chemistry...that's okay. 5 in History, well that was expected. 4 in French, I couldn't care less. And then...English...4...What the fuck? Yea...freaking 4 in English. Are you joking me?! How could I have not passed?! How could I have gotten...!! The biggest thing that made the whole shit hit the fan was my conditional acceptance to UT...based on my IB marks. "At least 28 and no less than 5 in pre-requisite courses." NO LESS THAN 5! I got a 4!! THAT'S LESS THAN 5!! First thing that pissed me off was that it didn't tell me what the hell my pre-requisite courses were...but it's English so I have to assume it is right? But yea...holy shit, when I saw that it was like a giant anvil falling on me. First, I don't confirm my enrollment, then I don't pass my condition. What now...am I gonna be slapped in the face and be told that I can't go to University for the next year? Fuck...I don't know what to do. I stood in the shower for about 20 minutes asking myself how this could have happened. I studied so bloody hard for those damn tests. I even studied...even STUDIED for English. Not a lot, but any study for English is something right? I mean...how the hell do you study for English? Yea...I don't know...all I can think of is that I did a complete shit job on my World Lit papers or I really messed up my Oral Exam. Whatever it is I did, I wish I can turn back time right now and do it differently. So basically in a daze, I went to work...expectantly, I misengraved something and just so luck has it, it's not one of our own products. Now no one in the city has another one and a whole mess is created. I don't really give a shit to be honest, but that did not help my mood for the day. Now I sit here and don't even want to go look on MSN because half the people on my list is talking about their marks and it seems like I'm the only one who fucked myself over.

I don't know what to do...just hoping I can call tomorrow and everything will be sorted out...there's nothing much I can do. *sigH*...*SIGH*...I kinda want to talk to someone...anyone...kinda want some sympathy and a slap in the face...someone to tell me how much of an idiot I am and then tell me things will be alright...but yea...I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately...can't talk to anyone about "feelings" and such...well there is one person, but...yea, when I talk to people, it's just about fun stuff and it's cool. I guess it just means it's not bothering me THAT much? I don't know.

My mom and sister just came back from China! I got a CD and a new shirt XD. Seems like the house just got a lot brighter with those two back...let's hope it stays that way...
Secret #33: Project is complete...couldn't do everything I wanted, but I hope you'll like it =).