Under the Moon

It's been about a little more than a week since I posted and I guess things have settled down a little bit. UT's still a question, although by this time next week, hopefully all my worries will be over. I've wanted to post so many times this week, but I think I've realized that the more I have on my mind, the less I'll actually post. The past week has been pretty lame for me. Everyday, the UT thing is on my mind and I can't stop thinking about it. It really means a lot to me. On Monday, after I called around and didn't get a final answer to my acceptance, I was pretty upset. It didn't help that my dad wanted me to do everything in the span of 10 seconds either. In the end, I just couldn't stay at home anymore. I left my house and I seriously wanted to talk to someone. I called Du and even though I knew she was with her boyfriend from her response, I couldn't pretend that everything was okay. I feel kinda guilty for dragging her out when she was with Yang, but I guess I decided to be a little selfish at that point. Just wanted to be with someone. I took Du and Yang to the river. I haven't visited that place in quite a while...ever since I moved, so it was pretty refreshing. The scenery was beautiful and the casual conversation between the three of us helped me calm down a lot. Although I wanted to just say everything I felt at that moment, I held back and just put it aside for a while. When Yang and Du were at the playground, I went down to my rock...I spent so many hours there when I wasn't feeling well and once again, it helped me out. In that secluded little place, where the water just rushes down the river, I talked to myself...I let everything out and it felt better afterwards. It reminded me of the past though...the times where I couldn't stand staying at home anymore and would just sit there, listening to my music, watching people fly fish for hours on end...until my mp3 died. It was a nice moment. Afterwards, we went to eat dinner. Had a very entertaining Japanese dinner and the laughter made me forget a lot of things. After several hours out, I went home, feeling much better. Thanks Du...thanks Yang...for being there.

This university thing...to be honest, if it was just about the university, I couldn't care less which one I went to. There's only one reason why I chose UT over all the other universities and I felt so bad that day was because it felt like everything was against what I really wanted. The one thing that I truly want seemed to be drifting further and further away from me. It was just an unpleasant feeling. I don't know...the fact that no one else thinks it's that big of a deal...especially...it just makes me think all this is in vain. I think I've finally accepted whatever happens, happens. The world isn't going to end just because I don't go to UT. And really, honestly, I don't think I'll be missed if I don't go. As much as I hate to say it...it feels like it. But this whole fiasco is about to be over soon. Even if I feel like no one cares, I still really want to go. I hope the people at UT will accept me. If not...the disappointment will eventually go away...eventually.

The moon's really beautiful tonight. It looks like it's almost full. It's actually the reason why I really wanted to post today. As I was heading home on the bus, I saw the moon rise into the air. It looked so close...so gorgeous. I've always been fascinated with the moon...the mysteries that surrounds it...the way it illuminates the Earth when the sun sets. Much like the river, I can just lie beneath it and stare into its gaze forever. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I've often pictured myself with a girl just star gazing into the depth of the night. I'm sure everyone has done this at some point of their life. The serene vibe that it gives is enough to make all the worries go away...calm the soul. I picture this moment with the two of us, lying on a rooftop or on a grassy hill, just looking. Nothing else in the world matters...in this world...at that moment, it'll only be me, her and the clear sky filled with stars and the guardian moon. Silence fills the air and as the night wind softly passes the grass...the hill...the sky, she leans closer to me. I hold her closer, hoping the little warmth that I can give is enough to bring a smile on her face. There...in the peacefulness of the night, all the worries, frustrations, anger would just float away. As I turn my head sideways...I find that she's fast asleep...with the smallest, yet most beautiful smile in the world.