Appreciation

I really feel like blogging today. It's been a while since I've had such a huge urge and had so much things regarding one topic in general that I wanted to talk about so hopefully, this will lead me to a conclusion of some sorts...yea, most of the time I look for a conclusion when I finish blogging, it helps me think. Well, first thing's first, TURTLES IN TIME IV!! Wow, when I saw Hadi's comment about that, it made me smile for about 5 minutes. Haha, I remember playing it for the first time way back when I lived in Saskatoon, it was sick...how can you ever not enjoy going back old school and owning it up co-op style? It'll be something to look forward to when I get back to Calgary during winter break =P.

Alright, to the main topic now. Appreciation. I think the biggest thing between university and high school is how much closer I was to everyone and how much I thought I was appreciated by just being there by them. Although this assumption may be false, it was the attention that I received from people that made the day go by a little better. I've never noticed it until university because now, no one seems to care. In high school, there were those days where you feel like shit and some person that you didn't really know, but knew well enough to ask what was wrong, came up to you and said those few words of care. It made you feel better because deep down inside, you knew there's someone that would take those few seconds and bother asking because they appreciate your presence in school. Back then, I would just brush it off, thinking it was no big deal. I mean, it isn't a huge deal right? if you saw someone sad, often, it would be the natural thing to ask them what's wrong, but the thing is, even though it is a small gesture, it helps the person by letting them know that they aren't alone in going through whatever they might be going through. It could be just a bad day or it could be something extremely important, but the fact of the matter is that there were those people that looked out for you and noticed that something was wrong. I guess that little bit of attention kept my head up. Thinking back on it, there was always someone there for me...whether it was Ahmad or Du or McArthur or the list can go on and you know who you are, but the point is, I never realized how much their presence and their attention meant to me until now, now that it's gone. I guess the saying is true after all =P. Even though most of the time I wouldn't want to go anywhere or do anything, they'd make me or in McArthur's case, decide for me. I think I'm the type of person that really needs that. I mean I don't really do anything because I don't see a point to it right? so when it feels like someone really wants me there, then I'll be willing to go because it feels like there's a point now. It takes a while to get me to do those stupid things, but thanks for the patience everyone. To be honest, even the little grade 10s and 11s made things a little better. Some of them would be glad to see me once in a while, some of them would actually come look for me for something once in a while, but none the less, to some extent, I guess school made things seem a little better in the end, despite all the shit that seems to cover everything else. To all those that have once upon a time made the effort to try to cheer me up or try to include me in anything, I'd like to say thanks.

Now you'd think there would be a reason for me to think about this right? and of course, there is. I mean people don't just one day wakeup and learn to how to appreciate...there has to be a catch. And if you haven't guessed it by now, it's the fact that I don't really get that kind of attention anymore. No one here knows me that well. No one here bothers with some idiot that doesn't want to do anything so no one tries to convince me to do anything most of the time. And that's okay, I don't mind at all. I mean for those I don't barely know, why should I mind right? and since I didn't want to go in the first place, I'm kind of glad they don't persist. The thing that made me realize the importance of this mutual appreciation is because those that I am close don't show me those gestures now. Who am I close to in university you might ask...well, who else? These few days I kind of realized this. The way that I see her perceive me is basically the same way I think she preceives anyone else. From time to time, she would ask me to do something, but if I say no, it's very rare that she'll try to convince me. She'll probably say "okay" and it'll be the end of it. To me, she's a very important person in my life so I'd do things that I wouldn't do for most people. When was the last time I went anywhere that I really didn't want to go? When was the last time I went out of my way to make anyone happy? All these things I did before because I was at the right place at the right time and they are my friend so naturally I would do it. I never actually pulled myself out from what I was doing and go do something else. But with her, I really did try partly because I did like her and partly because we've known each other for such a long time. But the feeling I get now is that there will always be someone else that'll be doing all these things for her, so in the end, it doesn't really matter who does it. I might have known her for a long time, but I might know about her just as well as any who's met her since school started. As a result of all this, I really don't think I'm of any importance in her life. Especially if I don't get a reminder every once in a while that I am a part of someone's life, that feeling of being someone important just diminishes. I don't blame her for anything and I should be thanking her for making me realize how much I should appreciate the gestures that people show me. It's her perogative, it's her choice. I think now that I'm just another person in her life and I guess that's fine. But the fact that I get this feeling of being just "someone" from her even though I've known her for such a long time makes me pretty sad. It's okay though, what should I expect right? she'll always be my friend, nothing more, nothing less. But the degree of friendship seems to just go down every once in a while...and before you know it, it'll just be surface friends, which has happened many times before to me. It would be a very sad event if it does occur, but what can you do right? I guess I'm the type of person that'll only work for something if I see something in return and since she's the same type of person, haha, it's like a never ending cycle. I really did try in the beginning though...if you know me well, you know that I did try. Even though the things I did wasn't really out there, it's the fact that I actually put some effort into something that defines my way of "trying". *sigH* it's okay...sometimes reality is hard to deal with, but never the less, it is reality and I'll just face it.

On a different note, there's this girl that I know that I've been thinking about. I don't really know what it is, but she just seems to intrigue me. She already has a boyfriend so chillax people. She's really different from me and that's the thing. Usually, when I see how different someone is, it kind of just dies there, but it hasn't stopped yet =P. I dunno, I've talked to her a couple of times and she's pretty cool. She seems...different I suppose. I'm not sure, but yea, just some random facts about my life I guess. It's kind of troubling me...but I'm not gonna do anything about it because well...she has a boyfriend. Come on people, decency is nice once in a while xP. Also, if you haven't watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", watch it. It's a pretty good movie and the character that "Jacky" from "The 70's Show" plays (I'm sorry I just don't know her real name and I'm too lazy to look it up) is the type of girl that I would really want to go out with. But yea, good movie, very unpredictable, in a good way. I'd give it a 4.5/5 =).

Alright, I think I've talked enough for today...hope you've all understood my little rant and remember, treating those who are important to you a little more special than other people isn't a bad thing...it just makes them feel appreciated =P. I'll finish off by posting a few songs...that's right, I said a FEW. One's Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers because Collins sent it to me and I would like to show that I appreciate it =) and it's a pretty good song that I think people would enjoy. The other is 海口 (Hai Kou) - 后弦. I like the melody for this song...yea. The third song is 深深爱过你 (Loved You Deeply) - 薛之谦. The song's pretty repetitive, but I like the lyrics for this one. Yea hopefully, you'll enjoy it and you can find the lyrics here, here and here, for the respective songs xP. Yes...my laziness is awesome. Alright...I'm gonna get back to work now =P. Have a good one everyone...until next time, later days =P.

Edit: Damn it, the Red Hot Chili Pepper's song isn't working because it's in wma format. I'll fit it later don't worry. Also, if anyone knows a site where I can upload stuff, please let me know v.v'' my Google page is pretty much full xP.