Another Beginning

Sometimes, as I walk around the school, I see flowers that bloom and catch my attention. Sometimes I want to go pick it up and smell it, other times I just want to watch it as it wavers in the wind. Once in a while I see a special flower that makes me think it's spring again...The refreshing feeling passes through me and it feels like everything that happened before doesn't matter. I think this special flower has appeared once again in my life...

Games

I've grown up playing video games. I don't regret it, I treasure it. Although I've stopped recently due to lack of interest and time, I still play this one game that you can't win in. Human emotion and thoughts are the obstacles, pleasure and satisfaction are the rewards. There are no cheats, but there are ways of learning without experiencing. Everyone plays this game, no one really knows the objective...Death is the "easy" mode, so challenge yourself by playing the hardest level of this game: Living.

Surprises

Surprises are nice...Surprises that you like are even better. Wong came to my work today. She was in my school last year, but she's in UC now. I always knew of her, but never really approached her. It was nice seeing her though...So I think she finally knows my name and we had a nice chat =P. It's funny how I never talked to her when we were in the same school, but I get the chance to do so now that she's gone...That's all for now...Later days =P.

Chillax

It's been a while since I've actually chillaxed, but in the past 24 hours, life has been pretty good to me. Starts with yesterday when I finally went to badminton club for the first time in almost 2 months. It was a lot of fun. I was pretty excited to see how well my training has paid off and to my surprise, I was able to put everything I learned together and it just seemed to flow. I'm praying that I can keep doing what I did consistently and improve even more because the intramurals are coming up and I'm pretty pumped for it. Despite everything that's been on my plate lately, badminton has been my savior. Feels good.

Today, I went out with a few friends. It was a lot of fun...Haha...I'm smiling right now as I think back on it. No worrying about anything, just being a teenager. Doesn't happen very often as of late, but today, it was amazing. We first went to UC and talked about registering. I, personally, am not going to even apply for UC because I refuse to stay here any longer, but it was nice seeing the campus again. Brings back some memories of when I went there last year with Hadi and a couple others. Anyway, after we went to UC, we went to KFC because Qian had a whole bunch of coupons there (Yes, she's Asian =P). We bought a whole shit load of KFC chicken and stuff, and some part of me wanted to treat my friends, so I did. 25 pieces of chicken, not even a piece of skin left when we were done with it. Haha...I haven't enjoyed eating with people for so long, it was quite refreshing. After we stuffed our selves with chicken goodness, we went to TD Square and window shopped for a bit. I saw some things that I really liked. There are some nice clothes that's out there...Just the prices are intensely expensive, but I guess everything comes with a price. By the end of everything, I was tired as hell and started heading home. Lim live near me so we took the same bus home. She fell asleep on my shoulder for a while...Even though I don't feel anything more than friendship for her, it was pretty cute. I was supposed to wake her up when we got to our stop, but...I kinda fell asleep and she was the one that woke me up v.v...I felt a bit stupid, but hey, I can't stop the almighty Sandman. All in all, it was a pretty amazing day...(I dunno how many times I've used 'amazing'). Nice group of friends, laughing and joking around, without any drama talk.

Regarding Universities. I'm pretty much settled on UBC for now...If I get in, I'm definitely going...A part of me really want Qian to come with me, but another part tells me she wants to go somewhere else. It'll be pretty sad if we do our separate ways, but I'll probably treasure this friendship for a while...It may not be as deep and sentimental as my other ones, but somewhere inside, I feel comfort when I think about this friendship. Sometimes I do wish that I can really get to know her, but I figure this mutual distance is really what keeps things...Good...For a lack of a better word.

One last thing: I thought if I made a blog, I would have a lot of things to say...I dunno why, but that's what I thought...Seeing as how each of my posts are a week or so apart...This isn't really the case. From now on, I think I'm going to try to post maybe a sentence or two everyday, depending on everything. This way, I might be able to get more things off my chest instead of waiting until something "big" happens every time. So until then...Later days =P.

Busy --> Bear

Damn...It's been so long since I've last posted something of actual content. It's been so busy lately. I didn't think grade 12 would be so bad, but guess what...It is. It's good though, all these things keeping me occupied keeps me from thinking too much about the superficial things that life so generously dishes out one after another. I've started on everything a little bit though...So I'm doing a little better making useful time. Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be done with applying for University and I can concentrate on doing my I.A. and E.E...Hmm...If I play my cards right, I might even be able to finish them before the deadlines! School...Work...Extracurricular...I'll be able to manage everything hopefully. There are still a lot of time that I spend shitting around so there's still hope xP.

On another topic, Hamlet's been pretty interesting. The outlook on life is very interesting. I think if I had a best friend, it'd probably be Hamlet...Except I'd teach him to speak normal English because I can't understand that "art" all that well. Haha....But seriously, what is the point of life? No matter what you do, you'll still end up dead eventually. Yet everyday, a lot of people whine about it, cry about it, but they don't do anything about it. Rather they mope and sulk hoping to get the attention that they think will make them feel better. Which works a lot of the times. Everyone wants to be accepted, to be wanted, needed because it's what gives us a purpose in life. It allows us to think that we're worth something and that our existence is not in vain. It's a pretty good reason, I think. Fair, true, justified, but there are better ways to prove your existence is worth something other than sulking. Do something with your life, change something to make things better, depend on YOURSELF. Instead of wasting your time trying to fit in with the "popular" group, concentrate on what's important right now...How about school? How about family? People that try so hard to be accepted just ticks me off...Useless fools. To be truthful, I've sulked a lot in the past...Sometimes to get the attention that will make me feel better, but there were other times that I just couldn't help myself. But that's how I learned...I realized one day that it doesn't make things better. It's good to know that there are people who care, but in this life time, it really depends on myself. Make everyday productive, make every hour useful, make every minute count, make every second of your life happy; because if there's no point in life, might as well spend a pointless life content and happy.

Depending on myself has occasionally given me the feeling of loneliness...I'm slowly getting used to it though. There are those few who I know I can turn to when it's needed and that's all that I need, to know that they're there. The general feeling of that comfort alone is enough for me to be able to move on with life. I think I've been able to move past the idea of being accepted, which took me only about 17 years, but none the less feels good. I guess because I'm human, I can't stop caring...There are many times when I see things happen and have the biggest urge to ask them what's wrong, but I force myself out of it. It's not my business...Haha...Come to think of it, everyone seem to have at least one or two other people they can turn to and a couple of days later, they're back to themselves again and at least in appearance they seem better. Some people might say, appearance doesn't show anything, but I say otherwise. Who can really do a sincere smile when they don't feel a little bit happy? Who can bring out the slightest true laughter when they're drowning in their sorrows? So really, when people do smile and laugh, there is happiness inside somewhere and the more they show on the outside, the more it reflects their feelings inside. I probably don't care as much as I "should", but meh, spin me around and slap me twice, it probably won't change anything, but at least it'll be fun while you take your frustrations out =P.

One last thing...Busy...Busy...Busy...I think I still care about her a lot...The only difference now is...The disappointments and hurts now balances it out so that I still will not do anything...Busy...Busy...Busy. Peace v-.-

Ugh

I got egged today while walking home...Fucking assholes

As Time Passes

Tick..Tock...The clock strikes 11:11PM. Time goes by pretty quickly...People always have things to do, places to be and other people to be with. Sometimes, it's nice to have some time by yourself, but other times, company is enjoyable too. Is one better than the other? In general, no, but everyone's opinion's different, so I tend to just accept that and stop questioning it. Time is a thing that constrains us from the things that we want to do because of the things that we need to do during this allotted time frame. How can we prioritize? Based on our future would be the response for most parents, but if you think about it, if you're not enjoying yourself now, doing things you don't want to do so the future is better, how do you know what enjoying something is would feel like in the future? We can't change the past, we can't predict the future, so the only thing that we can be certain of is the present. The here and now. So enjoy it. Present becomes past, future becomes present and....future future becomes future -.O''.

Okay...So that was a lot of ranting about nothing =P. But time is passing by pretty fast. I don't know how long it's been since that, but it seems pretty long ago...Don't know really what's happening with anything anymore...Not that I really mind. I mean, I hear things, see things because they're there, but really what's the point of getting involved...Just adds stress to life...Besides, there are more important things right now...I need to get a start on scholarships, finances, and finding a way to get outta here. As of now...Just gonna occupy my time with things...Thinking maybe soon I'll stop thinking about high school stuff all together. Occupy my time with work, badminton, tutoring and maybe bits of school. Oh yea, probably gonna go to the gym at school too. Of course, by doing all this, I've been getting further and further away from people at school...It's weird though...Everyone seems happier when you don't know much about them. Haha, ignorance is so bliss. Everyone probably has more problems as the school year goes on, but when you don't put the effort into knowing, it doesn't seem so. Yea yea, I'm a jerk, but am I really for just minding my own business? I don't feel like pursuing something when it's not gonna matter and people just get pissed because I'm being too "nosy". I'll listen if the situation allows it, I'll sympathize/empathize when the situation presents it, but it just doesn't seem to change anything even when I try so hard to "be there" because ultimately, the choice is the individuals.

Anyway, wth was I talking about? Pisses, I'm so random today. Oh yea, time. One good thing about time, it helps fix things. It mends wounds, allows growth and other things that I can't think of. It also helps adapting to unfamiliar and uncomfortable habitats...Like loneliness. Loneliness is pretty hard to deal with. Hurts in the beginning, confusion in the middle, but once you get used to it, it's not that bad. There are still times where...Ah...I think I'm gonna peace for today...Talked to Fang again...The feeling's nice...Later days =P

Snow

The first major snow of the year...It's always nice to see the white sheets cover everything, but seeing is a little different than experiencing...I'm going to go out of my house tomorrow and instantly regret stepping out of my cozy haven that I call home...I know it.

I think it's been a while since I've posted again...I would like to post more, but I've just been a little busy recently. Last week, I wasn't home until at least 9:30pm every night except Thursday. I wasn't supposed to get home later that night either, but thank goodness I forgot about my blood donation appointment and had some rest or I would of collapsed. This weekend was okay though...Went to work on Saturday and found out that it's just me and my manager that works at Personally Yours now...I'm going to cry. I feel bad for her because she's been working like 12 hour shifts, but there isn't much I can do...I'll have to go in tomorrow though...for an hour while she's interviewing someone. Hopefully she doesn't take too long to get some more employees because I don't want to do any more work than I can handle...But I guess I'm just going to have to rough it out until she finds some people.

So since going to badminton for a bit on Friday, I think I'm going to have to start helping out...I want to be there, but I just don't have the time. Probably going to have to get someone to do the things I want...Possibly Hadi, but he has enough shit to deal with, so I'm not sure...Next Friday's the Friday I was supposed to have off...But due to the lack of employees...I think I'm gonna have to work again...*sigH* Gonna have to apologize to Du and hopefully people will start helping her out. This would be a lot easier if I didn't care -.-''. Maybe just for a bit though...Du seems to be stressing out about it a little bit, so maybe be her support for a while before ditching again xP.

Next week's gonna be tough...Need to start working hard again...I just don't have the time, but I guess that's my fault. I'm gonna start spending every waking minute doing something productive now...As soon as I start slacking off, everything seems to catch up to me. Hmm...French is a pain in the ass...I think I'm gonna try to get Garen to stop giving us so much work...It's impossible to get anything useful done in that class, but he's a nice guy none the less...So have to give props to him for that...

Jay's new album finally came out. I wouldn't say it's a disappointment, but just like snow, there are its good and bads. Some of it I really enjoy, but others just doesn't seem like he wrote the songs...Speaking of songs...The song that I wanted to write is almost done...I need one more verse and I think I'm going to put my own music to it...I've been practicing piano recently and hopefully if I practice enough, I'll be able to put something together. I know it's just extra on my plate, but I love music so...I think it's going to be worth it...

Romance...Haha...Maybe I'm just looking for something that's not really there, but you never know...Someone might surprise me one day xP.

Note to self: Start pulling your shit together Jak v.v

Later days =P.