Time Ticks Away

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it. Sure feels like it. But my IB exams are almost completely done (Just have 2 French papers to write, which who the hell really cares about), then I'm basically off the hook for high school! The sound of that is pretty sweet. Three bloody years of this IB shit and it sure feels good to have it all over and done with. So much I want to say, so little time...What am I talking about, I don't have to go to school tomorrow! You know why? Because I don't feel like it and teachers don't expect me to be there so life's good. I dunno, let's make a list of things that I should talk about so I can slowly ramble upon those things while my life ticks away: Exams, I must tell my wonderful journey to Hell and back. Umm...Badminton, it's not that important, but I feel like talking about it. Let's see...Oh yes, the awful family shit that happened during my journey to Hell. Annnd last, but DEFINITELY not least, trip to Vancouver in 6 days! Oh wow...Just saying it makes me tingle. Alright, so as you all know, I'll probably go off to some weird tangent so this list is basically useless xD.

Let us commence. Exam week...Wow just wow, most intense and yet relatively quick week of my life. Starting last Monday, I descended into the pits of Hell not knowing what to expect, except preparing for the worst through out the past few weeks made things a little easier. Hmm...So last Monday I had an English Paper 1. Tuesday, History Paper 1 and Paper 2. Wednesday, History Paper 3. Thursday, Chemistry Paper 1 and Paper 2. Friday Chemistry Paper 3. Today English Paper 2 (I dunno why they divided English up like this, go bug the world if you wanna know). Lastly, I have my two French papers on Friday. If you add all that shit up, it counts up to 10 bloody papers. Each day past by basically with wake up, study on bus, test, go home, study at home, sleep, wake up...etc. A ruthless cycle, but I think during the past month, maybe not that long, I've studied the hardest I've studied since...Ever. I don't really know why...I guess part of it has to do with me wanting to prove to myself that I could do it and do it well. Prove to myself that I am, in fact, ready for the wonders of academics in University. I think I did alright so far. I'm not going to say how well I did because I always tend to guess wrong. I just want to get a 5 at least, but having the rare 7 pop up will put the biggest grin on my face. In the end, I am proud of what I've tried to do, managed to do and the amount of effort, yes effort, that I put into the studying and writing of these horribly long and tedious tests. I hope the mark will reflect my effort. One of my biggest motivations to do well in these exams is the fact that my entrance to UT depends on them. I have to get 28 points in the end without getting lower than a 5 in any of my pre-requisite courses (I'm praying that's not French because well...It's French and I'd be happy if I pass the exam). So with that pushing me and always nudging me at the back of my head, I was able to put down the books and actually study. It's pretty amazing, the text book that I was never able to read and understand these three years, finally made sense to me when I was going through some of it. The wonders that concentration can do for you hey? Anyway, the exams are almost done and I have 3 days to review and relax before my bloody French exams. I'm going to enjoy the time off...The feel of freedom...*Music* I believe I can fly...*End Music*

Haha, so during the latter half of the past week, my parents weren't getting along very well...To say the least. It was pretty upsetting...Every time I was able to collect my thoughts, it would disperse because of the...Noise coming from downstairs. More than a few times have I had to physically stop the two and put my studying aside. *sigH* I don't understand them. I wish they could just divorce already. They don't get along and living under the same roof just causes bad things to happen. Especially for my baby sister...Goodness...When I read what she wrote at the bottom of her homework in very small letterings, it broke my heart. I broke down for the first time in many months and I just couldn't handle it anymore. This was during the night of my Chemistry Paper 3, which I was not prepared for at all and I NEEDED the time to study, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was going to die...I didn't know what I could do, I didn't know what I should do, I just felt trapped and along with my broken heart, I called Pastor Lin. First time in my life, I couldn't depend on myself, I had to talk to someone that had experience beyond my imagining and I had to go to God. I told him my problems and he already knew a lot of it because my father talked to him too and just those words of comfort, with a voice filled with experience and wisdom calmed me down. As expected, he asked me to pray...Pray for my parents...My family. And I did...Thursday night...Almost midnight, with the rain pouring down, I was on my knees in front of my house, asking God to help me...Help them...Help my poor baby sister. To be honest, I still don't consider myself a Christian. I don't like the idea of having one religion because that idea of constraint and rules about a belief just doesn't work for me. I do believe that there is something that's protecting us. I choose to call him (Yea yea, bitch about my sexist tendencies) God. I'm sure he's willing to help us whenever we're in trouble, but the difference is, I still want to do everything on my own. I don't believe that God will lead us to the path of a perfect life because life shouldn't be perfect. I think God is there to lend a hand when we need it, and watch us grow and live when we don't need help. Anyway, that's a bit of my religious spiel. Things are a bit better with my parents now and I like to think that God has something to do with it because I definitely know that my parents won't be able to change if their lives depended on it. Pastor Lin also prayed for my test the following day and it turned out okay...Better than I expected because I was just cramming in the last couple of hours before the exam. I thought it was nice of Pastor Lin to do so. My dad started planting stuff in the garden. I think it'll help him a lot, giving him something to do so he's not always taking his frustrations out on the family. I dunno though, my hopes still aren't high, but I'll ask God for some help every night. Also, I hope that my sister will be okay as she grows up. I just want her to have a good childhood. I don't want her to be crying herself to bed at night or anything like that. There's so much I wanna do for her, but I won't be able to help her as much as I want to...But hopefully she'll be able to figure things out for herself...I was talking to Ahmad and she made a lot of sense when she told me that my sister should be able to do this herself...Also I can talk to her on the phone whenever she needs someone. I'll ask God for some help with that too...If anyone else can...Want to, please help me do so too...I know many of you are atheists, but even the mere gesture would mean a lot. I really don't know how to approach this situation anymore. Thanks.

On a happier note, badminton has been pretty good lately. I've been wanting to play a lot and I want to improve faster, but just don't have the time or the people to play with. I met some cool kids from different schools when I went to watch at Zones, but I haven't been able to get together with any of them to play some badminton yet. Hopefully I'll be able to sometime soon...Still have the itch, but I don't think I'll be able to play for a while...Unless I somehow get to play in Vancouver xP. But I am going to go sing on Friday. It'll be pretty fun. Going with the Grade 11s. They're not bad, although I wish some of my friends would tag along, but I guess you can't ask for everything in the world right? xP. Hmm...This just in, might be able to play badminton tomorrow...Wooo haha...Okay, I kinda lost all my train of thoughts on this, so let's move on to...VANCOUVER!

Okay so 6 days...No, no 5 days until I leave for Vancouver. I couldn't be more stoked right now. I'll be able to see all my friends, trying to plan everyday out. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to spend that much time with them...I'll be there during school so all of them will be in school. I'm staying at Li's and he's pretty far from Burnaby which is where the rest of my friends are and I'm not really sure how I'm going to be able to work that out. But the fact is that I'm going! Finally going! I'll be able to see Fang for the first time in...A LONG LONG TIME! Just a little excited if you haven't noticed by now haha. I'm actually not sure how I'll be able to meet her, but I'll find a way. Just one day...One day with her will make the entire trip worthwhile. I'm also talking to Li right now and he's trying to get everything prepared for my trip haha. The only problem right now is I don't know where to go after I get in Vancouver. He can't pick me up because he has work, so I guess I don't really know where to go. Maybe Fang can pick me up if she got her license...But after those couple of mishaps, I'm not sure if she has it yet >.<. Ah well, I'll find a way right? If I don't, I'll just stay at the airport I guess...You know, I really should be worried about it, but whenever I think of the idea of being in Vancouver, being able to actually reach Fang, it just makes all the worry go away. Just how I feel right now...I hope she did alright on her AP exams...Hopefully she'll be able to relax when I get there. I dunno...I really wanna talk to her right now...Too little time spent talking to her the past week because of my exams. Hmm...Maybe I'll call her tomorrow. Yea, I'll do that...It'll be a surprise. Just want to know how she's doing with everything...Hope her little dilemma has cooled down a little bit. Aight, I'm kinda tired from writing. This is a pretty incoherent post, but meh...I'll be on to post more soon. Until next time...Later days =P.
Secret #25: Do you think about the moment that we'll meet as much as I do? I wish I knew how you felt, so I can tell you how I feel.