Growing Up

Today was a fast day...12 hours have passed since I woke up and it feels like a blind of an eye. Yes, I did indeed wake up at 6:45 today because I had to book badminton courts at Talisman. Went to play with Hong, Kwan and Lo. First time playing all winter break and it feels as good as ever. Badminton is still one thing that I go to, to rest my thoughts and it's all the better when you're playing with someone who can pull shit from his ass that I can't even dream of...(Yea yea, shame on you dirty minded people.) Lo's a funny kid though, we played "target practice"...Hehehe...Maybe I'll show the badminton club how it's done when it resumes again xD.

After getting out at about 12:30, I met with Collins and we came to my house to watch Ratatouille. Awesome movie, even second time around. Regrettably, the version that I downloaded wasn't as good in quality as the version that I initially downloaded, but it was good enough to see everything and enjoy it. Drove her home afterwards. Surprisingly enough, my parents didn't question me at all when I said I was gonna drive her home. Only thing that I would want to change is the time it took to drive back home. Traffic was surprisingly good, so even driving at speed limit, it took just 15 minutes getting home. I'd rather spend some more time in the car...It's relaxing.

About a week has past since Winter Break began. I really want to talk to Fang, but she doesn't seem to be online that often recently. Kinda miss her, but missing someone is pretty pointless unless the feeling is returned. Hopefully I can get a chance to talk to her before school starts again...I dunno what I want to say, or why I even want to talk to her, but just a feeling lingering in me at the moment. Oh, also engraved the plate for Hadi's pocket watch box. Took me a freaking hour to engrave it because of its stupid shape...But it turned out pretty sexy, hopefully I can give it to him soon. Now I'm tired as hell and want to pass out, but I have to wait for my sister's cake to be dismissed before doing anything that would cause me to become unconscious. So I'll finish off with one last idea in my head that spurred this urge to post something...

December 28, 2007...My sister turns 7. Also have to note the 18th for Kramer and all the best to her journey as an adult. I was about my sister's age when I came to Canada. I'm getting mixed feelings regarding the passage of time through these 10 years of my life, but I definitely can see how much I've grown in every aspect of my life. None the less, I'll still be growing up for the rest of my life and I can only hope my growth will be towards a positive direction. I will also, to my best extent, guide my little sister so that she can make a little bit less mistakes, get hurt a little less as she grows up. 10 years from now she'll be the age that I am now...I believe she'll make the right choices for her life journey, but just in case she strays a little, I can't help but watch over her from time to time...
Secret #6: Starting to let go...Starting to move on...Starting to stop thinking about her.

Sound of Silence

Christmas Day! Hurrah...Kinda...I woke up finding a little soap snowman on my bedside table...It was from my sister. Although it smelled kinda bad, it made me feel all fuzzy and warm inside. She got a lot of presents this year. Has been wearing her giant pink monkey PJs all day...Haha...She's kinda fun to be around from time to time I guess.

Anyway, I'm losing my voice...Or rather, getting on my "sexy voice" xD. Feel kinda shitty though...Hopefully tomorrow will be better...Must go to work to get money on Thursday...XD. Haha...Until next time...Later days =P.

Last Minute Shoppers

Woo...So it's been a while I've posted anything and that's because I've been busy as hell serving idiot Christmas shoppers for 3 days straight...But it's been alright I 'suppose. Helped a bunch of people out, and probably made back the money I spent on Christmas presents. Haha...Today was the last day of the craziness...And I never thought "Last Minute Shoppers" actually meant last minute shoppers. This one guy got his present right at 4:59 and the mall closes at 5:00...It was intense...You'd think, being Christmas Eve, people would get their shit together and wake up early to get their gifts...Nope, the last hour of the day was the busiest of all...Which is fine because we've made our budget 9 days in a roll and I'm waiting on a huge bonus this paycheck XD.

Okay...Let's play catchup...So Friday was last day of school before winter break...A day that I've actually been looking forward to this year. Need some fucking rest of school, people, so basically life in general =P. The week prior to Christmas break was pretty fun actually. Presents, presents, presents...This year, I did actual Christmas shopping...Don't worry, I have my reasons xP. I wanted to get some going away presents for some of my close friends and since a couple of them are pretty close to Christmas, might as well get it together. I felt this Christmas was a lot more satisfying...Mainly because the gift I gave probably had a lot more thought into it than anything...I even wrapped the presents! Mind you, it was pain in the ass, but I thought it would be appropriate =P. To be honest, I didn't really jump out of my pants for the presents I got, but I wasn't really expecting anything from anyone, so the presents I got from my friends were just a big bonus on top of the reactions I saw from my friends. Anyway, I got Collins and Hadi their going away presents...I could not have been happier with them. I hope years later from now, they can look at those things and think back to high school full of nostalgia. Hopefully they can remember me as someone important in their life just as I do, them. Three more going away presents to go. I've decided on one, but the other two are pretty tough...I've already begun thinking of something original that I can put on there that can reflect their relationship with me along with the gift...I think I have some in mind, but...Hmm...I should write some of these things down so when the time comes, it'll be easier...To get the presents...And to let go. As time winds down, I think saying goodbye this year will be pretty hard...Especially to these few people whom made a pretty big impact on my life...Will I say goodbye individually? How can I sum everything together into words in such a short period of time? I think about these things and there are slight instances where I don't want to leave, but...For a lack of better words, I have to.

*Break* My fucking god...I think I'm gonna cough out blood now...Water time...

Okay...Think my throat's gonna be okay for ten more minutes...Anyway, on Friday I got a puppy...Stuffed animal of course, from Ahmad. It's sooo soft! I've hugged it to sleep for two nights now...Makes me fall asleep so fast, it's insane. Although I always wake up not knowing where it is, I manage to find it in the crevices of my bed =P. It's pretty cool. Also got a 3x3 rubix cube from Campbell. I've been trying to figure how to do the first and second layer (Yea I know you all care, STFU) at the same time, and I think I've got the basics, just need to remember specifics so that it works all the time xP. Yea, these two things have kept me amused the past few days. I also have the feeling that my sister wants to steal the puppy...

Okay...We're about caught up now. Today...So today I went to work and I bumped into Collins, she was shopping with her mom and it was nice to see a friendly face, to say the least. Also saw Nourian at the store...To top the day off, I found out he was buying Sponiar his Christmas present and guess what it was...ROOT LICORICE! Hahahaha, that made me laugh. Anyway, spending Christmas Eve alone tonight...Parents went to party, didn't really feel like going with them. Too tired to go sit with some random girl by the computer for 5 hours. I'd rather do that by myself xP. I also have the HUGE urge to watch "Pursuit of Happyness" right now...Think I might download it so I can have something to do tomorrow...Very...Early...Tomorrow. Alright, I think I've said enough for one post. I'm gonna post up "Second Chance" by Faber Drive. Just a random song I had a while back and I'm really enjoying it right now. I think I'm gonna sing a Chinese song and post it up soon...Hopefully that'll go over well xP. Anyway, go find the lyrics yourself...I'm too tired and lazy to do anything tonight xP. Ah...I hate you guys...Feel bad for not posting it up...*mutters*...There you go, the damn word is hyper linked. Haha...I have a feeling that people will have a very hard time following this post...XD. Until next time...Later days =P.
Secret #5: Du, Ahmad and Lee are the last three people who I'm gonna give going away presents to...

The Notebook

Busy day of work today...As Christmas comes around, everything's getting busier...So tired...But it's nice to know that I'm doing something productive. Bought some presents today...I think about 2 more to go...And I have the presents in mind...Just dunno if I should get them...Ah well, that's for later anyway =P.

Moving on...I watched The Notebook when I got home today. It's a good movie...A lot better second time around. I almost cried...ALMOST, but I didn't. I actually wanted to cry though...I dunno why...Just a feeling. It's such a bitter sweet movie, kinda hurts. How often do you fall in love, end up with your first love, but in the end...Well I won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it. I kinda feel for the guy a little more than the girl though...Envious...Admire...For everything he's willing to do. All the sacrifices he makes...But I guess in the end, the affection that he receives back is worth it all. Even if in the end, it's in little bits and pieces...Just the fact that he knows she still loves him would keep him from giving up...Shows no matter what, love has to be both ways for two people to stay together...How true this is...How true this is...

Anyway, good movie. Still trying to force some water droplets from my tear glands, but it's not working too well...Think I'm too tired to make anything in my body work =P...Maybe tomorrow, I'll try again...Haha...Until next time...Later days =P.
Secret #4: I might have wanted to cry because of the movie...But maybe it was because of remembering when I watched it the first time...

Nostalgia

So today was a pretty okay day...Each day that passes, I feel like not talking more though...*sigH* I dunno what's wrong with me...Maybe it's just because I'm tired, who knows. Sometimes I feel like I should have more friends, should be a little more social around everything that's going on. I have no good excuse to not to, but I guess I'm just a loser like that sometimes =P...Maybe one day I'll get the motivation to go up to someone and actually start a conversation...Haha...Yea right hey?

Anyway, there was a reason for my post title to be "Nostalgia"...Yes there is a point...Stfu to all you who doubt my sense of logic! Okay, moving on...I talked to Fang last night...Until 1 in the morning. I just started talking to her again, recently, and it was really nice to say the least. Although I haven't seen her for...Lets see...Grade 5...Grade 12...Around 7 years now, every time I talk to her, the gate of memories open up and all the moments that we spent together floods my mind. Every time I talk to her, I want to go back to Vancouver and see her again. I dunno why...I know a lot has changed in the past 7 years, but no matter how much time has passed, we always manage to hit it off like we've been talking to each other everyday...Maybe it's because she has a lot to say to me since we don't talk all the time and that's also why I have a lot to ask, but even so, I'm surprised at myself that this friendship hasn't gone to shits even after all this time. Out of all the relationships I've had, I think the friendship between Fang and I was the only one that's been able to come above the distance. Haha...Come to think of it, every year, I would make an effort into remembering her birthday, just so we would talk at least once a year...

I remember when I first met her in grade 4...I remember thinking she was one of the prettiest girls in my school and would look away with the reddest face every time we made eye contact. I don't even remember how I managed to start actually talking to her, but I do remember that the summer of 2001 was one of the best summers ever...I would go to her house almost everyday and play that stupid truth or dare Jinga...We never went out...I wish we had...I still sometimes wish that we can. She was the only girl that I've ever said, "I love you" to...I know, I know...Too young to blah blah blah...Even if I was an immature little brat...thinking back on it I don't regret saying it because I did feel that way...I think I still do from time to time.

I want to see her again...This summer maybe...Maybe even before that. I hope I'll be able to finally talk to her face to face after all these years because who knows how long it will be before we have the chance to see each other again...She makes me smile, but time after time, I have to snap out of the paradise that develops in my head and realize the hard cold facts that I'm in Calgary...I attend Henry Wise Wood...Maybe that's why I don't feel like talking more and more now...The realization of this always takes away what I want the most...To stay in that paradise...Perhaps just a little while longer...
Secret #3: I don't want to see her...I don't want to hear her...The truth is: It still hurts *sigH*

Random

Hmm...I'm not really sure what I'm gonna post today so I'm just gonna go for it...Once upon a time there was a hill. On top of the hill there was a monastery. In the monastery there was a BIIIG oak tree. Under the tree there were two monks...What were the monks doing?...Playing Ping-Pong!! That was amusing...Haha...So is badminton...And looking into someone's eyes...Going past the windows into their soul. All the memories and treasures lie there...Waiting for someone to share it with...
Secret Post #2: Sometimes I just want the awkwardness to stop, but I know things will be for the best if they remain the way they are...

Metamorphosis

Okay...So I should be doing the massive amounts of homework right now, but I really couldn't care less so lets do a blog xP.

A little caterpillar hatches from an egg. What would it feel like the moment it is born? He would have to experience the vastness of the world. He would have to adjust from being confined in the little egg that it once lived in. Time passes and he learns how to survive. Eat, sleep, goes to the washroom once in a while. But with its short little legs, it's unable to go anywhere far...Only able to look out into the horizon...Maybe it wishes one day it can see that horizon a little clearer...Experience the warmth that seems to be radiating from it, but never really close enough to feel it...Or maybe all the little caterpillar wants to do is to continue his daily routine of eating...sleeping and going to the washroom once in a while. Never the less, there will be a point in his life where the impulse of confining himself once again will develop. The trigger of change begins...He probably doesn't know why he must do it, just that he must. Working hard with all the energy he gained from when he was a little caterpillar, he spins a hard cocoon around himself. The process that goes on inside is hidden from the rest of the world...Is the little caterpillar still conscious? Does he know what he's going to become? I imagine it would be pretty scary preparing to face something that he has never experienced before...But even so, he does this...Why? Maybe because it's an instinct, maybe it's a desire, I don't intend to answer that. As the moon appears and disappears again and again, the cocoon begins to crack...Something is about to come out...Something...Different. Giant wings with splendid patterns will first emerge from the cocoon followed by the tiny little body. Once again the little caterpillar...Butterfly looks around him, wondering what has changed since the last time he saw the light of the world. He stares into the horizon and to his surprise, the giant wings carry him towards it. Moment by moment, he comes closer and closer to the beautiful sun...Drifting Away to his dreams...
Hmm...I think I'm going to post some secret messages starting today. I wonder if anyone is going to notice this at all...It'll be quite interesting. Here goes...I couldn't figure out why I kept on trying...But now I know: I loved her too much.

Tattoo

With regards to Hadi's comment...I agree. But I don't know if anything is going to change. I dunno what I'm doing right now...Probably going with my gut. That's mostly what I can rely on...

Moving on, I'm gonna post up a new song! YAY...It has been too long. Well a good friend sent it to me a while ago and it's pretty catchy, but I think the lyrics are what won me over. I think a lot of people will be able to relate. Hope you guys enjoy it...Notice how I hotlinked the word "lyrics" to the lyrics?? Hey? Eh? Yea...I did it again, amazing huh? =P.

Tug of War

*sigH* Once again my mind is swirling with thoughts that don't want to leave me alone. I was trying to sleep it away, but that was to no avail. Might as well post it now I guess...

Recently, I've been trying to do something different...Getting to know more people, thinking about all the good things that come by and treasuring every moment of it...It hasn't been two weeks and I'm already so tired of trying. I guess some could say I was trying to "fall in love" again, but it occurred to me today that I'm just running away. One of my biggest beliefs is that people should face their difficulties, but I guess I can't always stay true to my belief. The truth is, I'm trying to move on. Trying to put together my life again. Find my way back on the path that I enjoyed traveling on before a giant truck knocked me unconscious. When I woke up, I found myself lost, not knowing what to do. I could remember everything that happened, the good times, the bad times and as I go through my album of memories, often I stumble upon the instant when the truck hit me. It hurts no less now than it did the moment it happened. This is why I want to run away. This is why I want to say, "fuck it" and just leave. One way, I figured, is to put myself into another crowd of people. New people that I wasn't close to so all there would be is fun and laughs and I wouldn't be reminded of the past. Then I went one step further than I should have...I tried to satisfy the emptiness in my heart and it was exciting when it first happened. The sense of the unknown, the element of surprise made me forget. I would have liked this to continue forever...But as I got involved more and more, I realized what I was getting myself into...The same thing, the same cycle...At that moment, the trust and dependence that I've been working so damn hard to build up collapsed right in front of me.

What happened during the past couple of week was a good distraction...A good scenery route that I will remember for a while, but it's time to get back on track. I need to do myself good and get over this thing. I dunno how though...How do you do one thing when your heart cringes at the thought? Maybe I'm not strong enough...But no matter how hard it is, how difficult it is to face, I absolutely have to do it...Alone...As always. This isn't to say I'm going to say fuck off to everyone, but I'd rather keep to myself for a while again...Please don't act like Du and freak out about me not being a friend every time I decide I don't want to freaking talk for 5 minutes...Just let me take my time, I always do come around.

I have no idea how many times I've ranted about this shit...But once again it's bugging the shit outta me so *sigH* here goes...

She seems happier now a days...I wouldn't know why, I don't really want to find out, but for some odd reason, it's easier to see her happy...At least a smile on her face. No matter how much I blame her, no matter how much hate has taken over me, I can't help but care. Maybe it's because of the past, maybe I'm just a big sissy, who knows...There are times where I see her alone and the urge to go over and comfort her takes me over, but just as many times, I force myself to look away, to step aside. I'm not going to lie, I think about the friendship between her and me every day. I wonder how she's doing, I wonder how things will turnout by the end of the year. But no matter how many times these sentimental feelings pass me, there is always the other part of me that takes over and I end up walking away...Maybe because I'm afraid of getting hurt again, maybe it's because I can't find it in myself to forgive again, but whatever reason it is, I know neither of she nor I will attempt to do anything about it. I have thought about this many times through my head and I think this contributes to one of the biggest reasons why, I, am not doing anything. For some twisted reason I figure it's better off for both her and me if we stayed apart...First, I won't be in the position to getting hurt again and second, she won't have to feel bad or conflict with herself for doing what she wants to do because of me. This could very well be an excuse, but none the less, it makes sense. Every night, I go to sleep hoping these feelings can just pass and everything can be "normal" again, but everyday I wake up finding myself disappointed because nothing has changed at all...I still care for her...I still try to do things to see her happier, whether it's conscious or subconscious...One thing that I know I have to do is that...I will never approach her and I will always stay back to look after her...

Okay...Feeling quite a bit better now that this idiocy is out of me. Hopefully things will get better...If not...There's plenty of room on Blogspot to post another pathetic rant of Jak's =P. (I wonder if the people in Google read these things...) Anyway...Until next time...Later days =P.

Fatigue

I'm so fucking tired, I think I'm gonna turn into a big bear and go hibernate...*snore* *snore*

Edit: OMG that's supposed to be a bear! Fuck it...Big black blob is good too...

Blood

So I went to donate blood today. Second time and I got to have soup this time xD. Was pretty glad that I actually got a full bag today since last time I barely got half done. Hadi tagged along and I was pretty glad that he did. It's pretty nice having someone there...The idea of knowing there's someone there if anything happens is...satisfying. Comfort...I like. Anyway, next time Hadi will be old enough to do it too. What a great birthday present xP...Surprisingly, it's rather painless...even though the needle is kinda big and the way it wiggles around in your tiny vein...XD. I'm gonna stop here before anyone gets freaked out and don't want to donate blood any time in the future. It's quite nice, knowing that your blood can save some lives.

My parents are freaking out though >.>. Making me everything in their Asian knowledge to "restore" my blood level -.-''. Although I know their intension is well...They're overreacting a little bit...Just a little bit. Haha...Parents right? Can't expect less...I think I'll put another song on soon...Haven't found one that's caught my attention recently though so...Yea...Until next time...Later days =P.