Follow Me

Recently, I did something that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even though it broke my heart, I knew it had to be done...to finally move on...and start living towards what's coming. It is the closure that I need.

It hurts like hell...

University's once again biting my ass. Feel like a useless piece of shit right now. Hopefully things will turn out okay. Father thinks I'm completely incompetent now and got yelled at again. *sigH* Whatever...if I want it badly enough, I'll get it.

This song "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker has been keeping me going these few days. Getting me through hell right now. Number 18 on the list. Hope you like it.

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when I'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cause as long as no one knows
Nobody can care
Your fellin guilty
And I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed
And baby I'm not scared
Im singin...

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Solo

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
You're better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray
We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Accomplishment

Ever done something that was so satisfying it made you feel like spending 7 hours in front of a big screen TV actually wasn't a waste of time? Yes...that happened last night. National G became the "Legends of Rock" on a Saturday night after 58 continuous mind blowing, jaw dropping Rock Band action. It was good.

Throughout the school year, Hadi, Campbell with Piao have been trying to go through the songs of Rock Band slowly unlocking and getting ready for the Endless Setlist and as of last night, everything came together and it was completed. As an reward, we now have gold symbols for our instruments...yea, it's that awesome xP. It was really fun though, from the hardcore drum fills to the impossible guitar solos, everything was pretty awesome. Although I'm probably the weakest link of the group, we managed to get 260 out of 290 on Hard mode, so I guess if the band is as strong as its weakest link, the weakest link isn't TOO bad right? xD.

That was probably the last time I'll be hang out with those guys all together for a while...maybe until Christmas or something. I haven't really been feeling the hit of depature yet. Recently Du left for Ontario and I guess it hasn't really hit me. I'm sure it'll come soon though. Three years with these guys does mean a lot of bonds being made. I always tell myself that everyone will get together during the breaks...winter and summer, but I can't help but wonder if it'll actually happen. After months of separation, the drifting apart will begin. By the time we're back, some might feel awkward to call the other to make plans or maybe some will just not want to enough to bring themselves to do so. The breaks won't be that long and before you know it, it'll be over. One missed opportunity leads to another and soon those bonds will slowly untagle themselves and your closest friends in High School will just become another person in the streets. A little depressing, yes, but I can't help but think this will be the reality that we might have to face. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...maybe things will turn out for the better.

On a happier note, I'm getting more excited for University. Slowly, but surely. I can't wait to see Fang. She seems to really like Toronto, which is awesome because most of the time, we have similar taste in these kinds of things. Everyone's parents are going with them to their Universities though...I have to go by myself. Although this is indeed a little intimidating, I'm sure I'll be alright. I mean I've already made two pretty distant trips by myself, I'm sure I can handle this one...especially if it's going to school. If not, I'll just get lost at the airport for a while...I'm sure a nice person will notice how lost this Asian boy is and give me some sort of assisstance...right? =P. I think the biggest reason for getting more excited is for seeing her again. For the longest time, ever since I came back from Vancouver, I've been trying to think of a nice Birthday present to give her when I see her in Toronto...all these crazy ideas came to mind and I think I might try out one of them. The chances of it working is like 0.0001%, but I guess it's the thought that counts? Haha...no...I really want it to work. But I realized during this search for a Birthday present is that I don't know a lot about what she likes. There will be lots of time to get to know her, but I guess for now, I'll have to make do with what I do know xP.

Anyway, I gotta get ready for work. Last week at Personally Yours! I'm pretty happy. Last week was so tiring...seven straight days of work...but I got through that, so this week should be moderately better xP. Okay, time to go...later days =P.

Pissed

Yea...pretty much says my mood at the moment.

Can't say much about it because I don't feel comfortable enough...

Don't usually get pissed off easily but dunno...think a string just snapped today...screw it.

Whatever

Red Moon

I never knew I could be so tired on a Monday night. I guess doing something you don't absolutely love for 30 - 40 hours a week just doesn't let the body say "hurray". On the other hand, I have things to complain about...but also things to be happy about.

This morning was very nice to me. Being woken up by my cell-phone's buzz was a nice way to do so...it was even better after seeing the name displayed on the face of it. Yea, I know it was not a big deal, but it takes the smallest things to make my day. Little things like that just makes me smile and gets me smiling xP. Thanks =).

On a more depressing note, I've been trying to get some of my friends together one last time before we go off to university. I've been working a lot and still have a lot to go so don't have much free time and doesn't look like many other people do either. Just want something to work out though and it doesn't help that feels like no one else really cares or wants to bother to do it either.

Grr...whatever I'm tired. I have 4 free days left and pretty much just need to go and see what happens.

...tired...

I've been trying to finish type this for about an hour now and I just keep watching Friends xP. Anyway, gotta go sleep now so I can't get up early tomorrow...kinda want to sleep in...*sigH* it'll be fun. Anyway...night

Short Blurb

Wanting to post lately...too tired from everything to do one today, but soon...I hope.

Little summary...work equals tiring, The Dark Knight equals amazing, little news equals sinking feeling, planning equals frustrating annndd...music equals saving my life xP.

Hopefully I'll be up to post something with content soon, but until then...*passes out*

Slight Relief

Another long day of work...so tired right now. Don't really want to open my eyes, but kinda want to post so I'll have to do my best not falling asleep on my laptop for the time being |-). Anyway, last couple of days have been relatively fast...basically just get up, go to work, go home and sleep.

Last night, I got home around 6:00. While on the bus I saw something that caught my attention as it was pretty interesting. So I was doing my usual thing on the bus...trying to keep my self awake as my stop approached. Just before my stop, a couple of pretty decent looking girls started making some loud sounds about forgetting one of their cell phones on the bench at the stop they got on. The one who left the phone there was in a rush to get off while the other walked hastily to the bus driver and asked him if he could go back there for the phone. Now, the bus driver was Asian, so it might have been part of it =), but he was very nice and decided he will head back that way. Since my route is kind of a circle, I guess it was no big deal and that bus was the last one heading to Cranston for the night. So I witnessed this as I got up to get off, and the girl who left her phone on the bench leaned over and gave the bus driver a kiss on the cheek as a sign of appreciation. Mind you, this girl was white...and good looking...and that went against all my laws of physics that existed in my little world. So for the nice 10 minutes, I smiled to myself, thinking, maybe being a nice guy isn't such a bad thing and some times, it could be appreciated by almost everyone...although the nice guy was in his late 30s and a bus driver, but you can't ask for too much right...XD. Haha...yea, that little story was the significant event for the day yesterday, hope you all enjoyed it xP.

After I got home, I watched about 2 hours of Olympics...watched the USA gymnastics, who were extremely good, but I couldn't help but smile when they came second to China, even though it was the qualifying round =P. Also saw the Chinese win synchronised diving. Yea...surprise! Haha...they dominated that event...won by 20 points in the end...it was sick. Yea, so after watching that, I tried to sing some songs...since my parents weren't home, I tried singing really loud and open up my throat. And you know what...I can't...or maybe my loudest is just really soft because I have an under developed vocal cord...or maybe I just can't sing. Even though that's a bit of a stretch...right? RIGHT? xP. Yea, so my parents came home at around 10 and I kinda forced myself to bed...part of it because I was dead tired and another part was I didn't want them to yell at me again hehe...and it worked =P.

So today was a pretty okay day too...I worked for 8 hours so that pretty much took up most of the day. Kinda getting used to the 8 hour shifts now...just 18 more working days and I'm done. Just think of the money Jak...you can do it! Haha...just kidding...it's not THAT bad...except when dumb customers come in 5 minutes before close and is very insistent on buying something, while you accidently press on the US dollars button beside the Visa and screw up your whole system. Yea...when that happens, it kind of...KIND OF pisses me off. Let's just hope that doesn't happen everyday =P.

Alright, I think that'll be enough for today...oh yea! My dad seems to be a little more calm about my whole situation now. He did another plan thing for my phone so now I can use it again yay! So people, don't be shy to just call me when you want and tell me how much you love me. With this stupid phone issue solved...I can socialize again. Which will start on Wednesday when I go watch the Pineapple Express with McArthur. Yea...he called me today and Gore-Hickman's back too, so it should be fun. Hang out with them a couple more times and they'll be off to the East too...even more East than me =P. So yea...THAT'S about it...I'm going to go eat dinner now...at 10:30 at night...what a life hey? xP.
Secret #36: Hmm...what's your favorite flower?

Revelation

Hmm...these past couple of days have been good...for the most part. As my little break from work come to an end, the hanging out with friends was very memorable. The night that's capped off the little break was not really what I wanted, but what can you do...

Let's see, after work on Thursday, I called Piao. He just got back from China a few days ago and I asked him to come over to hang out. It was fun. He brought a lot of stuff from China. It was quite interesting. He stayed the night and it was fun just chatting and chilling with him. The following day, I went with him to Du's house and we played a bit of pool before heading to the North to hang out. Kwan came too and we bummed it out at the mall in the North for a few hours, getting gifts for the people. Afterwards, we went to the church not too far away for Du's concert. It was pretty fun and to see her amazing piano skills as well as the violinists play was a treat. She's a very talented musician and just like most concerts, I dozed off...in spite of trying really hard not to. But hey, it's not completely my fault...some of the pieces were very peaceful and after a long day of doing nothing, I was tired. Anyway, the concert was a pretty big success in the end. I'm happy for her and it's a very amazing accomplishment if I do say so myself...I'm sure many others would agree. After the concert, I went home and since Piao's stuff were already at my place, he stayed over again. It was pretty funny because he was pretty dead tired too. He was watching the Olympics downstairs and when I went down to see him after 30 minutes or so, he was asleep on the couch xD. It was entertaining to say the least. The night went on and soon afterwards, I was asleep too.

Today was a pretty good day too. In the morning, I went and paid my first installment of residential fees, then went to a pavilion to do some banking. Even though I thought it went well...turns out I made a mistake...which will be discussed later. Anyway, after the banking, I went and met Du in downtown. Had some lunch and hung out for a while. It's always nice to hang out with her...even though today I did a lot of talking...which tired me out, but she wasn't very talkative so...I had to do something right? =P. But yea, I'm very comfortable hanging out with her...we can talk about pretty much anything and everything. It's a good feeling. Soon the time of departure will come since she's leaving on the 21st. I'm kinda sad, but at the same time pretty happy about it. I know UWO will bring her a lot of new experiences and fun. She'll meet a lot of new people, make a lot of new friends, but at the same time, I think she'll be one of the people that I'll keep in touch with. So really, there's nothing to be sad about...right? xP. I dunno...I guess we'll see when she leaves. After a while, we met up with Hadi and went to see Shakespeare again. It was a fun play, but we only stayed for half of it...stupid Calgary weather...seriously. After getting home, I got a pretty big lecture from my dad because turns out, I screwed up on the banking thing and the more he lectured me, the more his voice rose and by the end, he was pretty much yelling in my face. Telling me how irresponsible I am and how I can't handle important things...

You know what the weird part is? For the first time, I actually sat back and took in what he had to say...and well, I actually agree with him. Sometimes I really don't have my priorities sorted out. Even though I am working a lot, I should be more concerned with the family in general rather than myself. Sometimes, just by not going out and waiting for something can solve a lot of problems. I dunno...it's weird, but I kind of saw the point of view where he was coming from and although I don't agree with him COMPLETELY...there are definitely things that I should change about my attitude and behavior. One thing is the use my cell...yea...so for any of you who read this blog and managed to last up to this part...don't call me or text me for the next 2 weeks. I don't think I'll go out much either for a while...maybe one more time with Du before she heads off East.

At this point of my life...I think I'll just cut myself off from socializing for a while and make sure everything regarding finances and post secondary is taken care of. I'll still be posting often...kind of want to recently. But until next time...later days =P.

No Signal

Alright, so it's been a couple of days and I want to post again...let's see...

Yesterday...was an interesting day at work. Half way through the day, I got fed up with my co-worker and kinda flipped out on her. After some half yelling, half trying to explain the situation, I think she finally realized what was going on and started working more. Even if it wasn't much, it was more. Better than nothing I suppose...now I can last through the next few weeks peacefully. I had the closing shift, so later into the night, for some reason, I became really social. I was making conversation with my customers and wouldn't you know it, it made things a lot more comfortable. I don't think I can always do that though...it was satisfying, yet tiring at the same time. It was nice though. At one point, I was helping this guy and he started being a wank off about "being there first and not taken care of." There were actually a lot of people in the store and I was just helping those in a line and the guy looked like he was just looking around for things so I didn't really pay attention. Well, he brought it to my attention like an asshole, but I just shrug it off right? like most of the time. The lady that I helped next surprised me. First thing she said was, "I apologize for that guy, he was being very rude...hate guys like that." See, this is surprising for me because it was the first time I've heard comfort from a customer. After 7 hours of working, it was a nice refreshing comment =). Gave me some faith in people...and maybe nice guys do get appreciated once in a while haha =P.

Oh yes, for about a month now, I've been kind of cutting back on the fast food. I think I was proud of myself for about 3 weeks...but this week, I lost it =P. I just can't control myself sometimes...I get so hungry and eating Subway everyday just doesn't work for me xP. Anyway, I'm still gonna try to cut back...but these 8 hour shifts are a killer and some good old unhealthy grease helps me get through it...I really need to learn to bring food >.>''.

This morning, before work, I was going through my usual blog checks and I saw something that made my heart sink a little and made me realize something. It's funny how a few words can impact me so much, but it made me realize how much I care and how scared I am of things not going my way. At first, I thought it was directed towards me...(yea...I know..conceited...shut up.) and I felt very...happy. But then I realized I misread it and I got a mixed feeling of happiness and worry. I was happy because I'm clear of where my heart is at the moment and I got worried because...the thought of doing everything in vain struck me like an lightning bolt. I often wonder what'll become of this pursuit. Often wonder if it's all worth it. Like all future events, it's like staring into a tunnel full of smoke, guided by a glimmer of light that you hope to be the ending that is desired. At the moment, I can't help but feel insignificant...to the significance that I think of. I've been trying to find a song that can reflect this murky cloud looms at the back of my head, but as of yet, I can't seem to find it. All I want right now is a sign...a little one that says...or even whispers, "keep going".
Secret #35: "I really do miss you, you know."

Nerves

It's been a while since I've posted...and honestly, nothing much has been happening in my life. Well, maybe things have been going on, but recently, I feel like I'm on auto pilot and everything that happens kind of just happens, but nothing really affects anything. I've been basically doing everything based on instinct...and really...it's pretty boring =P.

Well, first thing's first, I got a new laptop. An HP model and I must say, I'm enjoying it so far. After many years of using Dell, it's nice to get something new. Also, since I've never owned a piece of electronic that's worth more than 100 dollars, it makes it a little bit more special =P. Anyway, it'll be nice to take some decent looking notes on computer that I'll actually read rather than the gibberish that I write. My writing isn't exactly aesthetically pleasing so it might help me with my study. I kind of wanted a Mac, but since my dad paid for it, I didn't really want to say much about it. It's cool though, can't complain haha. This is my first post on this laptop and it feels nice to be sitting back and relaxed on my bed with the computer on my lap, doing as I please. I think the freedom of it all is what makes me like it haha.

Alright, so I've been working quite a bit lately. 5 days a week...and to be honest, I really don't like working with one of my co-workers. She's supposed to fill in for my manager, but slacks off enough for all three of us...especially when it comes to stock. But I think I'm going to soon get used to it...besides, I'm only there for one more month so whatever...just have to hang in there until the time's done. I've also been doing a shit load of misengraves lately...I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's like luck is against me. Always on the stupidest things too...*sigH* if my manger was here, I'd be getting a lot of heat, so thankfully, my reign of bad engraving is only happening when she's not here...I bet she'll have fun seeing all the misengraves when she comes back though =). Yea, so that's pretty much it about work. I have been getting along better with my other co-worker though. On Sunday, I went over to her house to watch a movie and have a few drinks. To my surprise, whiskey is actually pretty good...but the throwing up afterwards was not fun...although we did have a good laugh at that the next day =P. It's nice to have someone to talk to as a friend at work though. Thing would be very very dull without her...if that's even possible.

A while ago, I got a confirmation on my acceptance to UT. This university stuff is all too...hard to explain right now. I'm having mixed feelings about everything relating to it. A part of me is pretty excited to be going to Toronto. The new city life, the ability to be able to spend some time with Fang, and of course, the time away from parents all makes me want to go there more than ever. But as I think about it more, I often wonder if I made the right choice. After a month of calling, emailing and worrying, I finally got the little message that I wanted. As I've said before, I don't really care about which university I go to and I only have one reason that I've chosen UT over the others. Recently, this reason seems like it's so far fetched and out there that it wouldn't even matter if I went to UT. After doing everything I can to be a little closer, it feels like I'm further away than I ever was. Many times I've thought about giving up, but there haven't been a day passed that the reason hasn't crossed my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting too much hope into this, doing too much in vain, but at the same time, I know if I don't go through these difficult times and keep fighting for it, I'll never find out if it was meant to be and I will end up regreting it. With mixed feelings regarding this situation, I'm pretty confused regarding all this. At the same time, it's not bothering me as if it's eating me alive...rather, it's just a thing in the back of my head and everytime I have a spare moment, I tend to think about it. There's nothing much I can do about it now and it's one of the things that I'm looking forward to experiencing once I'm at UT, but it is also one of the things that I'm scared of too =P.

Hadi came to Southcentre today and it was nice to see him again. We chilled for a bit during my break and to think, just a month from now, we'll be heading our separate ways. I'm planning to go to Shakespeare in the Park with him and Du on Saturday so that'll be fun. On another note, I hung out with Ren about a week ago and it was really good seeing him again. He's heading off to The States on the 10th and that was probably the last time I'm going to see him for a while. He's a good guy...one of the only people that I made an effort of keeping in touch with even after we went to different schools. I wish him luck in his future endeavors and hope that he'll never stop laughing that stupid laugh of his xD. It's pretty contagious.

I think that'll be all for today. I think I'm going to try to post more from now on...hopefully with some structure. After seeing everyone finally starting to post again, it kind of got me syked in doing so too. Anyway, I'll be back and posting within the next couple of days. Until then...later days =P.