No Signal

Alright, so it's been a couple of days and I want to post again...let's see...

Yesterday...was an interesting day at work. Half way through the day, I got fed up with my co-worker and kinda flipped out on her. After some half yelling, half trying to explain the situation, I think she finally realized what was going on and started working more. Even if it wasn't much, it was more. Better than nothing I suppose...now I can last through the next few weeks peacefully. I had the closing shift, so later into the night, for some reason, I became really social. I was making conversation with my customers and wouldn't you know it, it made things a lot more comfortable. I don't think I can always do that though...it was satisfying, yet tiring at the same time. It was nice though. At one point, I was helping this guy and he started being a wank off about "being there first and not taken care of." There were actually a lot of people in the store and I was just helping those in a line and the guy looked like he was just looking around for things so I didn't really pay attention. Well, he brought it to my attention like an asshole, but I just shrug it off right? like most of the time. The lady that I helped next surprised me. First thing she said was, "I apologize for that guy, he was being very rude...hate guys like that." See, this is surprising for me because it was the first time I've heard comfort from a customer. After 7 hours of working, it was a nice refreshing comment =). Gave me some faith in people...and maybe nice guys do get appreciated once in a while haha =P.

Oh yes, for about a month now, I've been kind of cutting back on the fast food. I think I was proud of myself for about 3 weeks...but this week, I lost it =P. I just can't control myself sometimes...I get so hungry and eating Subway everyday just doesn't work for me xP. Anyway, I'm still gonna try to cut back...but these 8 hour shifts are a killer and some good old unhealthy grease helps me get through it...I really need to learn to bring food >.>''.

This morning, before work, I was going through my usual blog checks and I saw something that made my heart sink a little and made me realize something. It's funny how a few words can impact me so much, but it made me realize how much I care and how scared I am of things not going my way. At first, I thought it was directed towards me...(yea...I know..conceited...shut up.) and I felt very...happy. But then I realized I misread it and I got a mixed feeling of happiness and worry. I was happy because I'm clear of where my heart is at the moment and I got worried because...the thought of doing everything in vain struck me like an lightning bolt. I often wonder what'll become of this pursuit. Often wonder if it's all worth it. Like all future events, it's like staring into a tunnel full of smoke, guided by a glimmer of light that you hope to be the ending that is desired. At the moment, I can't help but feel insignificant...to the significance that I think of. I've been trying to find a song that can reflect this murky cloud looms at the back of my head, but as of yet, I can't seem to find it. All I want right now is a sign...a little one that says...or even whispers, "keep going".
Secret #35: "I really do miss you, you know."