Late Night Cracker Thoughts

Another week of university has gone by and here I am...still awake at 2:09 in the morning, munching away on a cracker. The past week has been okay I guess. A lot of ups and downs and a lot of thinking to myself. Some major things that's been running through my head have been school and the friendships in my life. Of course at the moment, I'm listening to some music that I've never listened to before and much like many times before, music has been the thing that's kept me on my feet. But let's not get into that again...I'm sure all of you know how much I like music already...and if you don't...well, now you do.

Alright...let's start with school. The transition into school mode has certainly been a tough one for me. I just hope it doesn't take too much longer. I mean, I come home everyday, tired as shit, but still have a lot of homework and studying to do. The topics go by extremely fast and the concepts are still hard to get my mind around. I've always thought about myself as a fairly bright minded guy. I mean I can grasp concept at a relatively fast pace, but now, after every lecture, I have to scratch my head and wonder if everything I thought was going on during the lecture actually happened. Often I wonder if it happens to everyone or if I just overestimated my intellect. The people I hang out with at school seems to get it much faster than I do and many times, I feel like I don't belong in the program I'm in...I guess the only thing that's keeping me in it is because the material being covered is very interesting. I dunno...the few quizzes I've had so far, I did extremely badly in...and I'm not exaggerating. Really, REALLY bad. *sigH* university life is definitely harder to get used to than I had imagined. I mean my friends are telling me things are going to be okay and as much as I'd like to believe them, I don't think I'm too far from my limit. Maybe this is all I can do...I know myself better than anyone else...even though I don't know myself very well, I know when I feel challenged and I don't like the feeling when I don't understand things. It's a frustrating thing and the only conclusion that I've come to is to study more...work harder and hopefully, by the time I reach my potential, it'll be enough for me to do decently in university. Nothing much else I can do...once I reach my potential, that's it. Surpassing it will require mental and physical strength that I don't think I have...and I don't have the natural gift of intelligence on my side...so I guess we'll see...

I've been saying that a lot..."we'll see"...everything seems like to be in the future so that I don't have to worry about the present. My way of "running away" again I suppose. Don't know why I think the present is so bad...it's not really...there are a lot of good things happening, but sometimes, when I'm munching on a cracker and thinking about the things that happened throughout the week, I just tend to be overwhelmed by the things that bug me. Is that natural? no right...no big deal I suppose. Everyone's different and this is one way that I live my life. I've tried many times to "not think" that much into everything, but I can't help it. Maybe it's clinical depression...no...too severe right? maybe I just lack that certain bond that really makes me happy. There's no point in pushing it to happen if it's not happening either...being too eager just make things seem to come slower than they actually are. But yea...after a critical analysis of what's going on in my head and what's wrong with me...I think I'm just lacking that bond that makes me seem to have a purpose in life. Maybe once I find that bond to give me a purpose, I'll start thinking less and start enjoying the present more...I mean..."the present is a gift...that's why it's called the 'present'." right? xD.

Anyway...I didn't plan that part out...it just came to me so yea. Back to what I wanted to talk about...the second part. Friendship and bonds yea? well I guess that little spiel in the second paragraph did say something about that...so I guess I know what I'm looking for. But right now, I feel like I'm becoming more and more distant from my friends. The close friends that I used to have before aren't as close anymore...the new friends that I made here...well they're good people. I just don't feel that kind of connection you know? There might be times where I feel like it's okay to open up, but a couple of seconds later, that feeling is gone and I just kinda stop myself in my track. Kinda feel the people here are really different than me too. I'm not as out going and everyone seems to be wanting to be doing something all the time. It's hard keeping up with them, so when I just wanna chillax, they seem to think something's wrong with me. It doesn't really matter to me, but because they think that, the distance just gets bigger and bigger. It's okay though, since the connection between these friends are pretty weak, I know that I haven't found anyone with that kind of bond yet. Surface friends are good too. The laughs are there...the fun is there, can't ask for much more right? only can graciously accept those thoughts when someone actually tries to get closer to you. In this case, I don't think anyone is trying or no one really wants to, so what's the point of me doing the same thing back right? if they all want to be surface friends, I'm okay with that. They're there for those nights when I really want to get drunk and have some fun. Other than that...they're just another face in the hallways. The close friends I had before are pretty much drifting away too. Only one that I've kept in touch with is Piao. He tries...he does a lot of the work actually. Most of the time on MSN, he talks to me first. He makes the conversation interesting. Since I think he really does care, I text time from time to time too. I can basically tell him everything and anything without getting too serious into it. It's a good feeling...like an outlet that's always there...and of course, I'm always there for him when he needs someone to listen. It's a good mutual friendship...you might think that this bond is the one I was talking about, but let me explain. I don't get the feeling of happiness when I talk to him, it's like a mutual comfort that makes me want to keep talking to him. No consequences, just talk about anything. It lacks the factor of me wanting to be there...like waking up everyday looking forward to something. Can't really explain it any further than that...hopefully it's clear enough. But yea...everyone else from high school seems to be drifting away faster and faster. I don't really mind though...everyone has to go their own ways and since I'm not the type to take initiative in these things, if they don't have time, then I won't bother them. No biggy right? life goes on.

Yea, that's about it for today. I'm pretty tired and of course, I've finished munching on the crackers. Feeling kinda empty these days. Not sad, not happy, not angry, not anything. I miss having the feeling of loving someone. I miss the feeling of having a purpose. I certainly miss those who provided me with those feelings. What's done is done though...there's no turning back. I'll find someone that can fill the emptiness again one day. Until then...I'll wake up everyday for going to school =). It's a nice place on campus at UT...the scenery is good.

Magic

Tonight's been a pretty long night...I think I'm getting better at this doing homework crap though. Not getting distracted and actually understanding things in class. Things are slowly falling back into place, although I'm still struggling with doing homework when I have to...like at the moment. But things will be okay. I did all I need to do...basically the things I need to hand in tomorrow. As of now...I'm pretty tired and my roommate is once again blabbing away on the phone with his life partner, so I thought I'd post some things. Yes...in fact, I do have some things on my mind that I would like to share with all of you. Now if you would sit down little children, let us begin story time.

Alright, once upon a time, there was a young man. He played piano and did a little composing once in a while. One day, his classmate asked him to join a singing competition. Being the curious person he is, he did what his friend recommended and he came in second place. Almost 9 years later, he's going to have a concert in Toronto, Canada on the 18th of December. Have you guessed it yet? Yes, it's Jay Chou. I guess I can say with confidence that I'm a pretty big fan of him. He's a pretty talented person. Composes, sings, acts, directs. Even though he's not the best at any of them, he does what he wants and it turns out alright. I think what makes me admire him the most is the music that he writes. Me, personally, am a fan for music. To me, the lyrics are just a bonus that adds a little extra to the music in order bring something out of it. But I think true music doesn't need lyrics to make it good. Music speaks for itself and with Jay's music, I can listen to it forever and not get bored. With his last album, I was sincerely disappointed at the music that he made. Although there were a couple of good songs, most of it was plain and a lot of it came from the movie he was in not too long before the album came out, which is understandable. But in the coming weeks, he has a new album coming out. One album every year and MOST of the time, it's amazing. I have pretty high hopes for this one...mainly because of the main song that's already been broad casted is awesome. October 9, 2008 is the release date. For anyone who cares a little bit, check it out. I'll be sure to put up good songs once I get my hands on them.

On another note, I stayed up until 6 in the freaking morning last night...talking. I don't even know where the time went. We went downstairs at 1 and spent 5 hours there? It seemed like such a short period of time, but it was good. I really enjoy those long talks...although a lot of them at one time really isn't good for the body. Talking with her is like a treat though, to find someone that can think similar to me is really cool. It was fun...although getting up today was not fun...I didn't want to, but ended up doing so because I figured that I can't afford to miss another CIV102 lecture. The only resource I have is from those damn lectures. If I miss one, it's like committing suicide...and I already missed one, that's why it's the one class that I don't quite understand. It's okay though...still the beginning right...I have time to catch up...yes...I just need to convince myself of that.

*sigH* this post really isn't all that great huh...meh whatever. With around 4 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours, I think I have an excuse. I'm going to bed now...damnit...I can't...my roommate is still talking. I'll be in bed...soon xP. Anyway, that's it from me for now. Later days =P.
Secret #40: Those words actually discourage me...*sigH*

Obstacles

Two weeks into my university life and I feel like I've been hitting a lot of obstacles that's preventing me from reaching my potential. For as long as I can remember, I've never been the smartest guy, the funniest guy, the sweetest guy nor the most attractive guy. For as long as I can remember, I've been slightly "above average", in my head anyway, in regards to all those aspects. I can do some basic integrals, I can lighten the mood sometimes through some slight humour, I can put a smile on a person's face once in a while and once in a while, someone might have the slight tendency of having feelings for me. The fact of the matter is...I've never really tried in anything. I don't really care about much. If things happen for me, then they happen. That's the "motto" I guess you can say that I've been following. But as university began, I wanted to make a change. Try something that can maybe, possibly make me more than I ever thought I could be. Instead, two weeks into this life, I feel stupid, boring and to some extent, will never be able to attract anyone. So many things have been said to me that's making me rethink about my whole outlook towards life and people. I never really reflect about what I do anymore. I put on a facade so that I can feel accepted and needed. I guess with this new environment and my urge to make a new beginning, it's making me..."fake".

In school, we receive a lot of homework and problem sets. I don't feel like I'm keeping up anymore. It feels like grade school when I was always just above class average...never excelling anything in my life. I read the books over and over again and I don't understand some things. Once I understand it, it takes a long time for me to figure out problems. I feel stupid...incapable. Recently the new friends...or...people I hang out with has made a new thing for me..."J Humour". Sounds cool right? it doesn't make me feel very cool though. Humour was one thing that I thought I might be okay at. Turns out not many people enjoy the black humour that I tend to dish out. People are different...they're not...high school. *sigH* do I really miss high school? no...I don't think so. Do I really miss the PEOPLE in high school? to be honest...not really. Then what is it? Why does this matter so much to me. It never did before. I guess before I always had the back up of my family. Even though I didn't talk to them a lot, when I was at home, I felt safe. Here...when I'm at home...I feel like none of the social pressures have passed. So many times, I sit infront of my desk, listening to the hallway in search of sound to pass my door and perhaps knock on it, so I would have an excuse to go "hang out". I've never done that before. I guess when I was at home, I always knew that my family wanted me there...they needed me there and they thought I was an important part of a whole. Now, I constantly think of finding someone that can make me feel that way, a girlfriend perhaps. It's weird right? how such a short period of time can change a person's view so dramatically. One more obstacle is that I feel a lot less attractive here. No physical attraction or personality attraction seems to be going my way. Not that it's a huge deal. Just something I think about from time to time.

Yea...wow...Fang just came over...to pick up her lab manual =). I dunno...my heart is beating really fast...does that mean anything? no right? I just...got up really fast...the door knock triggered my adrenalin...damnit...I'll come back to this later...I forgot everything I was supposed to say. Um...right yea...everything sounds depressing right about now, but no worries. Jak will not fall into a pit of despair. I know what to do...just chillax. Starting from today, I'll be myself. If it turns out that no one likes me, that's fine...if people do, then that's good. Sick and tired of partying and hanging out with people that just doesn't seem like the type that I would normally hang out with. It messes with my head man...really does. I'll overcome these obstacles much like I did before. I've been thinking with my emotion too much lately. It's time for some rationality to come back into me. After reading a friend's blog about reality, it made me realize how much more rational I used to be. I used to think everything through...to the dot. Now...I just let things happen that makes me "happy". But in the end, I don't really make myself happy. I just feel...a void sensation. Emptyness. I need to actually use my brain now. That'll make everything a bit easier...including these damn problem sets.

Alright, it's time to make a change...for the better. I've been through the phase where I analyze everything, I've been through the phase where emotion just takes over...it's time to create a balance. A balance where I can be sensitive but also sensible. If I put enough effort to it, I will reach my potential...and my potential will exceed all my expectations. Through the boundaries that I put around myself and start reaching out to people in a way I've never done so before. University right? time to make changes...time to self discovery. I'll start with this one little thing. A change to balance. I hope I can do it.

Since I'm going to do so, let's start with something that's been bugging me for a long long time...when I mean long time...I mean LONG time. Alright, I think you guys get it. There's this girl I know. She's pretty popular with the guys yea? even though she's popular with the guys, she still able to, lets say, keep her distance. Do I like her? see this is the problem that's presented before me that I will attempt to solve right now. On a physical basis, she's gorgeous. On a belief basis, she's perfect. On a personality basis is where the trouble resides. There is one thing that's preventing me from doing everything I possibly can to win her heart. She's very independent. Not in a way that pushes me away, but in a way that keeps me from approaching. It's like she's walking ahead of me and when she calls me to go over, she turns around, calls me, but instead of waiting, she turns back and keeps walking. The moment that she turns towards me to call me, I walk towards her, but as she turns around to continue walking, I stop in my track. Does that make sense? it's as if, the harder I try to get closer, the more I feel that she doesn't want that to happen. And when I get that feeling, I stop. But when I stop, she turns to call me again...and the cycle continues. I know she cares...I really do and I care so much for her as well. But there's always this distance...always this space that can't seem to be filled. That's the only thing that's making me question whether or not I truly like this girl. At the same time, I know I'm not perfect either.

I know she doesn't like me as more than a friend. To change someone's mind when their belief is as strong as hers is close to impossible, but I think my biggest fault for not being able to change her mind is the fact that I can't take that extra step to fill the distance and walk alongside her instead of always behind her. I, for some stupid reason, can't for a moment, not care if her back is turned and walk towards her anyway. When the girl doesn't like me and I'm unsure if I like her, it's like a dead pursuit right? what's the point of continuing if both parties are unwilling to do that little extra push? so I should just let it go right? it's the logical thing to do. Even though I know things don't seem like they're going to work out. Even though it seems like everything I do, the little things I do, seems to just increase the distance between us. I'm going to pursue this path. Not because I think she's absolutely perfect for me, but because I think this path...this pursuit will be worth it in the end, regardless of the outcome. Taking this one step at a time...one moment at a time...letting my emotions guide me, letting my logic protect me, things will work out. The biggest obstacle that I face will be myself. Once I can overcome that, I can make her happy...just like how she makes me happy.
Secret #39: On the other side of obstacles comes opportunities.

Purple Moon Festival

Wow...feels like it's been a while since I've posted. I'm not actually too sure when was the last time I did post, although I know I can find out by just looking at the top of my last post...yea. Anyway, I didn't go to class today. "OH NO! why's Jak skipping already?! has university made him even more careless than before?!" might be the thought that's going through some of your minds at the moment, maybe a little less dramatic. But no worries, I didn't skip to go party or have fun...I stayed home all day to sleep. Yea...got a cold and I couldn't pay attention to anything today. I don't like being sick...it's like at the stage of vulnerability where a little bug can knock you over. Doesn't feel too great...not at all. The worst thing is that I'm afraid of getting everyone else sick...even though I think I might have already, I don't want it to continue...yea? So when I was eating in the cafeteria, I kept picturing the spreading of germs and stuff...although I tried to stay away from people...like choose a very secluded place to sit, some stupid idiot came and sat right next to me...even though here were a billion other seats to choose from. Now if he gets sick...meh I probably won't know about it so it's all good xP.

Alright...enough of me bitching about being sick...even though it sucks, okay okay I'll stop. Let's see...classes, yes have I talked about them yet? ah well, if I have, I'm going to do it again. I have quite a few classes actually. I think 30 hours one week and 33 the other depending on if I have a lab or not. But in reality, the course content and everything is not as hard as I imagined it to be. Although all the upper years and even teachers making such a big deal of it that Eng Sci students suffer, it doesn't seem to be that bad. I guess it is just the start. I'll probably feel the pressure soon...which in some sick and twisted way will make me happy. I want to be pushed to my potential. Since this program is something that I care about and something that I'm interested in...it might just be able to push me to the point where I can reach or maybe even surpass my potential. I've always wanted that. Most of the time in high school, I would study for 5 minutes and be proud of myself, but someday I would like to actually sit there and study for a few hours in preparation for some exam. We'll see, we'll see...maybe I've already reached my potential and I'm just too obnoxious to admit it...possibilities are endless xP.

Right...that was my little school spiel. Now let us talk about friends and perhaps more than friends...??? hey? hey? nope, not quite there yet, just friends. Sorry to disappoint. Yea, I've met some cool people. A few in my classes and a bunch on my floor. Two little circles that I can hang around, most of the time comfortably. It's pretty cool. At school, these three guys are really cool. They speak mandarin all the time so it helps me with it and at the same time, they're all super smart. Two of them (sorry I'm being a little mean) I think are pretty decent looking so ladies if you're still looking, I can introduce, no worries xP. They're quite fobby though...you know, the hair, the clothes, the English, but if you can put that aside...haha, I'm going to stop being gay now. My other group of friends are also pretty chill...and it's also more varied in terms of races...haha I don't know why that's so important, but it just seems essential to describe these things so a clear picture can be formed. Yes, that was a valid argument. Alright, yea, they're pretty cool...we usually hang out at night after everyone's back at residence. Recently, I've gotten a little conscious about my humour. A few of them have started saying my humour is "dry". And it kind of worries me a little bit...ah screw them. My humour's awesome...it just takes a while for them to sink in xP.

Hmm...I guess I can still name one more little group. Well, not group, just Fang xP. I mean we hang out in other little groups too, but it's a little different when we're just by ourselves. Don't know how to explain it very well, but it just feels different. It doesn't feel like I spend a lot of time with her because of our schedules. Sometimes, at night, we'd have some time and we'd hang out for a while. Last night was the Moon Festival. I didn't really plan anything, but some how it just ended up us being alone sitting there looking at the ginormous moon. The big beautiful thing made me want to fly even more. I dunno what I'm getting at, but that half an hour or so was so...perfect. For a while, I didn't even feel like I was sick xP. It was fun...it made me happy. There are a lot of mixture of feelings that I felt, but it's difficult. I guess it's not that important either. That whole night was symbolized by the little purple flower that I gave her...even though there were a lot of other things...I think when I look back on it...it'll be the moment that she took the flower and put it on her coat, that I'll remember first. Right now, I'm still confused about how I feel and where my heart is leading me, but I think I'm going to not worry too much about that and just try to open up. At the same time, these little memories that happen is embedded forever in my thoughts, making the process of opening up a little bit easier.
Secret #38: I don't want to look when you're with him...what does that mean?

Mind Messed

Freaking hell...I'm so tired...

I want to post something so I guess I'm just gonna ramble on for a bit here before I pass out like a log on my bed.

Lately, everything's been hitting me pretty hard, with all the orientations and stuff, but even through all this, I still always have one thought drifting around in my mind. As most of you know, I am quite fond of a girl. One girl, for a pretty long time. I'm not sure what to do with this situation at the moment. On one hand, I feel like I should really keep trying despite the obstacles in front of me because I should at least give time for her to know me better in person before deciding that I have no chances what so ever. On the other hand, I feel like one aspect that's preventing me from being someone more than a friend to her is the fact that I don't think I'm able to give off that impression. Much like before, I feel like I'll always give off the "friendship" vibe to girls. Most of the time, I'm okay with it. I don't mind it really, but it just doesn't seem like no matter how much I think we are perfect for each other, that aspect of "friendship" totally destroys any chances I might of had or have. I guess it's not something I can change in a person...and that's fair I suppose.

I think if I wanted to just be friends with her, I can. I've been just friends with girls I like enough times to know what it takes and how to do it. But something about her just makes me want to hold on for another day. I always think to myself, "Maybe something will change when the sun rises again." I think one of the biggest reasons for me not wanting to move on is because of the type of girl she is. A rarity in our age. The way she thinks and the things she believes in...they're very much like my own. At our age, these specific traits are very hard to come by, especially with today's culture. I might be thinking into this too much, which I probably am, but something inside me, a little thing is telling me just to wait. Be patient and things may change. I dunno...right now, I'm feeling a mixture of sadness and confusion. I know our friendship will always be there because it's just something I'll never want to lose and I'll fight for it with my life. I guess a part of me wants more than friendship because I want to learn and experience things with her...especially since relationship wise, we're also pretty much the same in terms of experience. And I guess part of it is because I feel that we belong together...if there is such a thing.

I had an argument with her today...over the stupidest thing, but at the moment I feel sorry and irritated at the same time. The frustration and easy irritation is probably due to my lack of sleep in the past 48 hours. The sorry feeling I think comes from the fact that it was the first time I've seen her angry. And because it was me who caused it. I don't want to see her sad or mad...I just want the best for her...really. I dunno what's going to happen with this...but I hope it doesn't turn into anything stupid. It really was over something stupid...something I could have done so easily if I just sucked it up for like 10 mins. *sigH* I guess there's nothing I can do now...just wait and see. This is probably one of the only few thing I really care about and don't want to screw up you know?

Yea...I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this whole situation, but I think once school actually starts, I'll probably be a little busier and get distracted. I can't just give up now can I? It's been such a long time and I should at least hold on for a little more before I make a final decision. I think I'm setting myself up for heart break again, but I think it'll be a little easier to deal with this time around. Maybe I should go for someone that likes me instead of the other way around. Maybe my standards are too high. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't seem like things want to work to what I really want. I'm not sure.

I guess all I can do now is just take it "One Moment at A Time" yea? In the end, even if I never end up being together with her, I'll be there to hopefully make her life a little easier and a little happier. Most of the time, it's what I end up doing anyway so it's not like a huge change. If I am able to be happy for her despite not being able to be together with her, then I'll know that all these years, all these feelings, were infact, true.
Secret #37: "Friend"...I really do hate this word.

Happyness and Cantent

I'm here! Yes, people, I am not dead. In fact, I am better than ever. From the first day in Toronto until now...which I know, has been two days, have been awesome. As the title suggests, I don't know how to spell properly, but that's probably because of the amazingness I find in living by myself. I have the freedom of an individual. I can do basically whatever I want, whenever I want. It's sweet. The past seems so far away now. It's like a distant memory and even though it's very vivid, it doesn't seem to matter at all. All the bad times don't seem that bad, all the good times seem better than they used to. It's a great feeling. I have a lot to talk about, but I don't really know where to begin...so I guess I'll start when I got to Toronto...and go from there...chronologically...like most other times...right...you get it.

Alrighty, so I got here on September 1. The flight was alright, pretty stupid, but when we got off and were waiting for luggage, we waited like a bloody hour and then guess what happened...the stupid luggage was coming out of a different conveyor belt thing than what was shown on the screen. So basically...I stood there for 30 minutes while my luggage was waiting for ME to smarten up a second and step about 20 steps to the left to pick it up. Well, since no one else knew, I didn't feel like a complete idiot xP.

Oh yea, before I left for the plane, I said good byes to my family. Even though I'll still see them during the holidays, I realized that at this point, it's the time where I start drifting apart, physically, from them. Now, it's for about 7 months of the year, but soon that number will increase until I get a job and have a family of my own. (Oh wow...family of my own...I said it without hesitation...you see what I mean about being happy?) Anyway, soon I'll be dropping by with gifts for my parents and sister maybe once or twice a year. I guess the realization of that point made me want to thank them properly for putting a roof over my head and food in my mouth for the last 18 years of my life. It was a sad moment. My baby sister was really upset that I was leaving. It was the saddest thing I ever saw. She was trying to contain herself even though she's only 7 and tears just flowed down her little rosey cheeks. It made me very sad, but on the other hand, proud to be a big brother. It showed, at that moment, that I made an impact on someone...enough of one that it would trigger the emotions to pour out of them. Even though she's still a little girl...it meant a lot.

Okay, that was slightly depressing. But let's put that aside now. Alright, so after I got here, I spent a couple more hours getting myself to the place that I'm staying at. The whole process is tedious so I'll spare you the pain...that I had to go through xP. The place that I'm staying at...is I would say a very nice place to reside compared to the other residences. After witnessing the horrors of a single room in the size of a cubicle, I was very excited to see that my place of stay actually had room to move around without bumping into something else. Also, I guess my very low standards helped improve the reaction with this place. Good stuff none the less. Of course, with the place of stay comes a person that you have to stay with. My roommate...ahh what I can say about the guy (yes, it's a guy, I know guys...I'm lucky, but not a miracle worker), he's really cool. We have a lot in common and he's super nice. I mean, I don't know about his whole life story, but he's a nice guy to hang out with. And it's also fun when he lets you talk to his girlfriend on the phone even though all you do is make fun of him xD. Yea, couldn't be happier with my roommate. Makes my life so much easier.

Moving onto a new topic...GIRLS. Yay, just the topic you were waiting for right? Yea, I had to save the best for last and aren't you glad now that you read through all that boring junk just to get here? But yes, girls. A lot of them, obviously, not in engineering, but around my residence and around campus and around the city. A lot of Asian girls, which makes life a little better seeing the fact that most of the time I can't seem to be able to find white girls attractive, in a sense that I would be interested. Iunno, just walking around, I see quite a few good looking girls, but I do hang out with one of the best looking girls I know during most of the spare time I have, so I guess it just makes me more chill about the whole situation. Good stuff too because we're here to learn! NOT to "Pao Niu". For those who don't know what that is...too bad. But yes, if you're looking for good looking Asian girls, then please, find yourself a flight to China. But if you want to find good looking Asian girls who speak even a little bit of English, then please, find yourself a flight to China. BUT if you're ever in Toronto and you're looking for good looking Asian girls, then my friend, you should stay for awhile =). Alright...I've been typing for a long time now and I'm honestly exhausted, but I do like to say just ONE more little thing. I've been hanging out with Fang a lot and it's always amazing. From staying up until 3:30 in the morning looking at idols that she finds attractive to teaching her the proper dialect to proper mandarin, it's been awesome. I didn't know I could want to spend so much time with one single person. And most surprisingly, I didn't know I had it in me to be able to have a conversation or many conversations for such a long time. Iunno...it's just a great feeling. I think she's great at promoting conversation though. Makes it so easy on my part hehe. And I guess you can have a lot to say when you want to talk to the person too...that might have something to do with it xP. I dunno...things just feel so right in place...just fits, like pieces of a puzzle =P. I do hope someday she gives me a chance, but if not, I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend at least 4 years with.

Alright, I'm pretty sure I'm done here...have to get ready to go to meet the faculty members...ohhh, funn. OH YEA! I was able to transfer Eng Sci! Now I can pursue my goal of aerospace...or nanotech xP. Good stuff all around. Okay, peace it out v-.-.