Childhood

Alright...before I go on to my main thing...I would just like to say a few things about my father. He is a freaking retard. Wednesday I got off work at 9 and call him to pick me up. Fair right? I'm tired from work and I wanted to get home as fast as possible so I can eat dinner. Nope, no, he INSISTS that I come home by myself. Pissed to hell about that as I dragged my tired body all the way from Southcentre to home catching the last bus...took me an hour. I got home pissed to hell about it and didn't speak to him for a while. Now I sit here with my lower back crying, "Bloody Mary" typing after getting myself all the way to the last C-train station from the leisure center because my dad didn't feel like picking me up. This time he didn't even have an excuse! Just lazy as fuck. Oh, by the way, he only picked me up at the station because there were no buses left. Heh, whatever, just wanted to rant about it a little bit. After almost 18 years, I've generally accepted to rely on myself when it comes to getting around. It's just the for the last 8 months or so, I got used to him picking me up after work and after badminton...so this sudden...change of heart pissed me off a little bit. Whatever though, I'll learn to deal with it just like pretty much anything else, so it's all good.

Now that's off my chest, I can talk about other eventful things. Alright...so first off, yesterday...hmm...I don't really remember why, but I was at the bus stop and I while I was waiting, I saw these two kids playing on the trampoline. They weren't old...maybe 5 or 6 and it looked like they were having so much fun. I remember when I was in Saskatoon, I used to go to my friend's house together with our buddies and we'd play video games and play on the tramp. Back then, it felt so good to just be accepted by those guys. I felt different since I just came to Canada and they treated me like someone that they looked up to (mainly because I was good at math =P). No, but really, I felt important and I looked at them as my best friends. As time moved on, I moved from places to places and I lost contact with them. Eventually, I moved so much that the few friends I made at each school, I lost as soon as I moved again...it was sad, but it helped me to learn to move on. When I was watching those two kids play...it reminded me of those shows that have a little boy and a little girl growing up together and even when they were young, they knew they were going to be together when they grew up. Boy Meets World? Anyone remember that show? Yea, shutup, I watched it and I loved that show. It's kinda like that...I've always wanted to have that kind of relationship with someone. It makes things seem so much easier and it makes me wonder how they keep liking each other and the relationship going even though as they grow up, they change in their own ways. I guess to some extent, it's the mystery of change that keeps the people together...Through the past 3 years, I've learned a lot about friendship and relationships...and for the first time, I think I'm going to make an effort at keeping the friendships I've built over these years. Visiting, occasional email, whatever it takes to keep things going...it's worked once so far for me...so maybe it'll work a couple more times? =P. None the less...I may not have the "soul mate" type of girl in my life like in Boy Meets World and although I admire that type of thing, I think reality has taught me to think differently. Right now...even though I don't have a lot of opportunities to show how I really care about someone, I do think about them a lot. I don't think too much on it either...just time and email once in a while or the message left on MSN while I'm gone that makes my day. Simple things...simple girl...simple happiness =P.

Alright...moving on. Yesterday, I watched an episode of The O.C. for the first time in a billion years and it was pretty cool. I love that show...I mean the drama in it is alright. I don't really watch it for that, but the music and the scenery is amazing in it. The situations that create the perfect mood for the occasion is also mesmerizing. This is one of the reasons why I want to live in California when I'm old and boring. The beach is amazing, a nice chillaxed atmosphere where one should retire and just enjoy life. I want that a lot...just relax. We'll see though...it's still one of my distant dreams and it may come true one day. If I'm doing aerospace, I'll probably end up in The States anyway, so why not California. It'll be cool, I'll learn to surf and I can get all my friends, by then, probably old and money hungry, to come down and chill. Ah...I gotta stop thinking about it...it makes life seem very stressful at the moment =P.

Anyway, moving on to today...it was a pretty good day. Finished my chemistry diploma so I'm stoked about that. I hung out with Du for a while afterwards. It's fun hanging out with her, although sometimes, it can be very tiring =P. I don't know where she gets all her energy from...she's like the energizer bunny, but none the less it's fun. With her, I can talk about a lot of things, but just like a lot of other relationships I have, there are things that I keep to myself. It's hard because I want to say something about it, but for the best of everyone, I should just put it in the recesses of my mind and let things roll the way they do. Sometimes I do feel like I shouldn't be there with her though...maybe it's because of Yang, maybe it's because of me, but for reasons, I feel like I should keep my distance. Not a huge distance, but a safe distance. My biggest fear is getting in between those two...but at the same time, I like hanging out with Du. But sometimes, sacrifices have to be made in order to keep things chilled. Recently, it seems like they're getting along better so I'm pretty happy for them. Although she's a very important person in my life, I know my boundaries and when she needs to hang out with Yang, I don't get in the way. It's a balance thing I suppose. But the time that we have together is closing in and I hope we'll spend some time together during the summer before we go our separate ways. I don't know...during the past summers, I haven't spend much time with her and it doesn't seem it will be much different this summer. She'll be working and I'll be working...which makes things a little difficult. Things will be okay though...just one or two days will be enough. Make some memories and have some fun together...I'm pretty sure things will be different once we go our separate ways, but the friendship will last...it may be months before a conversation, but in the end, I think the friendship will work itself out. Some things just happen and the friendship between us seems to be one of those things.

Now, last, but not least on my little agenda of things to talk about...(I don't really have an agenda...just in case you were wondering) is that Lee's going to Whistler tomorrow! Just wanted to say to her to have fun and stay safe. Whistler will be a great place to just relax and forget about the world for a while so enjoy it to the max. Hope she has a great and safe trip. Today at badminton was fun...it reminded me of old times when we'd go work out at the gym then play some ball afterwards. Fun times...a lot of things has changed since then and the biggest thing I think would be that I don't worry about her anymore. I've grown to know her as a person and to me...she's the type of person that will go through hell, but during the process, learn and grow. It won't matter what words are said or what actions are taken, she'll find her own way to experience it and learn from it. I'm tired of being her "brother" and I'm done with trying to be more than friend. I'm her friend and I'll be there for her when she needs it. Otherwise, I'll be there to be a fun person to hang out with...someone she can come to and just chill with. Friendship...is all I seem to be able to give at this point and much like Du, this friendship is also very important to me. No doubt, we'll still keep in touch after we go our separate ways, but once again, things won't be the same and that's okay. When we meet again, we'll be able to catch up and have some fun listening to each other's stories. Again...summer will come and go very fast and again, I hope to spend a least a couple of days with her just to finish high school off with some memories and start a different direction with this friendship...we're prospective University Undergrads...common, something has to be different =P. Anyway, I'll finish this with a note of well-being to her and I hope she has a great couple of days in Whistler...a nice break, and she deserves one.

Alright kids...until next time...later days =P.
Secret #30: How are you doing these days? Can't get in touch...through anything v.v''