Smile a Little

Happiness...it's something that everyone is in search of. To be satisfied, to be content, to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness doesn't seem to be want to be found by everyone or is everyone just making happiness too big of a thing when really, it isn't. When really, it is a simple thing...or a combination of simple things.

Ever since I got back from Vancouver, I feel like I'm a much happier person in general. For the longest time in my life, I didn't know what happiness was. I was always in search of it not knowing what to expect or maybe expecting too much. In the end, I always felt hopeless and lost, not knowing what to do or how to do what I'm supposed to do. After graduation night and the talk with Lee, I seem to have realized something...that expecting too much is the opposite of what happiness is. If you expect too much or expect happiness to be something grand, it will only move farther and farther away from you. Little parts of me are finally starting to understand how to be satisfied...little parts of me are finally realizing priorities and responsibilities. By all means, I'm still an immature little boy trying to grow up, learn about life, but one step at a time right? Can't be too hasty about anything.

So recently, everyone seems to be having problems with...things in general in their life. All my close friends...Du, Hadi, Lee, Kwan and Fang all seems to have things that are bugging them. Little things...big things all seems to be coming together and biting everyone in the ass -.-''. As much as I want to help, I really can't do much. Getting involved in everyone's business just makes things more messy...*sigH* As much as I worry, I know I can trust them to make the right decisions...whatever they may be. I know sometimes in this world, it can be hard to find someone to just talk to without any consequences...but if it helps at all, I'll be willing to listen. I think that's about all I can do for most people...as a friend.

On another note, I'm pretty sure Piao's pissed at me. Some things were said that shouldn't have been said and I guess for a few moments I lost all sense of logic and tolerance. Ugh...sometimes, it's just frustrating to be having to deal with it all, but damnit he's been a good friend for the past year and a bit, I should have been more patient. Anyway, I want to say sorry...even though he'll never read it. Last few months before we go our separate ways and just want things to be chill. Pisses...ah whatever, things will work out. I don't usually have lasting grudges with friends...everything seems to just pass eventually. This will too...I hope.

Lastly, Fang's heading off to China for a couple of months tomorrow. For some reason, it feels like a big difference...maybe because the time difference is only one hour right now and when she goes there, it'll be fourteen v.v''. E-mail's still good, although I tend to want to leave her alone and let her enjoy her vacation without any western influence. She definitely deserves a break...she sounds so worn out from school sometimes, I'm sure this will be a good way to spend a couple of months before going to university. I'm a little worried about her safety though...I mean, nothing will happen, but still, with everything in China the way it is right now, it's hard to not worry a little right? Especially when it comes to her...anyway, she'll be okay...she's a big girl, she'll take care of herself =P. 一路顺风，照顾好自己。

Okay, I think I'm done for today...yea...peace v-.-''