Disease

Saturday, 8:01PM...Status: Bored. Once again, I am here in my place of solitude to get somethings off my chest. I REALLY should be doing my English project, but I just can't start. I don't want to write about the book, I don't want to look for lines that I can use as evidence because frankly, I don't see a point to it. I like English...Never thought I'd say this, but yes, it's interesting. The ideas, concepts are all very interesting, but I don't want to do it to get marks. I want to do it when I feel like writing. When I feel like dissecting the little bits and pieces of literature to understand something better. Isn't this how all great literature come by? Through inspiration and instinct rather than forced analysis of something? I know it's for our own good, but I can't help think there is some better way to approach this. Never the less, I'm going to have to start soon. Right after this post...Probably going to have get someone to help me too because when I start writing it, I'm at a loss for words because there's so much I want to say. Ever have that happen to you? Yea, it sucks something else.

Anyway, today I experienced stress...Yes I know amazing, it has been quite a while since I've actually been stressed. No, it's not my English, History or any of that school crap. I was driving my sister to piano. And no, I wasn't stressed because I don't know how to drive. I got there fine. Just the moment when I realized I forgot to bring my driver's license freaked me out a little bit. Yea, for the first time since I got my license, I forget to bring it and it HAS to be when my parents aren't home so if anything did happen I was going to be in so much shit, that when I got out of it, I would of reeked for a good latter part of my life. That caused me a little bit of stress. Good news is I got home fine without any copman come after me. Relief...

So while I was procrastinating today, talking to some people online, I realized something. (I know this is a horrible transition of topics, but STFU). You know how when you meet someone new and is getting to know them, people generally have tons to say? About their experiences, stories, yada yada? Yea, I realized, I have nothing to say. The natural flow of conversation just doesn't come to me anymore. To some extent, I couldn't care less. I don't talk much to anyone anyway, so what's the big deal right? But then what if someday I really wanted to get to know this cute girl I met at some random party? What do I say then? "Uh...So...Wanna tell me about yourself?" No, you know why? Because it sounds so dumb that I wanna just shoot myself in the foot get it amputated then use my foot to hit myself on the head. *sigH* What's wrong...where has all the social skills that I should have developed throughout my life gone to? Maybe when I pick who I want to get to know, I'll choose someone who doesn't stop talking...That way, I won't have to talk! Just have to stay awake while the person goes on...and on....and on...and yea.

Anyway, my point is! Haha, yea there's a point...People, I'm sorry if I don't talk to you that much about anything. It's not that I don't like you, in most cases, it's because I have nothing to say. You can be the most wonderful person in the world, but all the same, I still won't have shit to say to you. Depressing, but I've come to terms with it. I apologize for not "being a good friend" or "being a jerk", I really do, but when I try too hard with these things, it just gets really awkward and no one likes awkwardness right? Phew, that feels a little better...Now time to start on my BLOODY ENGLISH!!! Later days =P.