Need a Break

*sigH* Finally home from work. That bloody cash register...I swear if it had arms it would hold me prisoner at that place forever and ever. Took me fucking 45mins to close! I'm gonna take that damn register, smash it to pieces, glue it back together then do it again Wasting my time...fucking thing. But none the less, I got over with it, with the help of Nourian...Yes, a little depressing, but still, I'm sure next time around it won't take that long...I'm just a slow learner.

Anyway, shits been pretty shitty lately. I realized I say stuff from time to time that I regret later on...Ever had that happen to you? Yea, it's like emotions just blind you and you just start rambling on and on about everything, but after some time, while you were snacking on a Teen Burger from A&W, you realize how much of an idiot you were. Yea, sometimes, I'm such a fruit, makes me sad. But seriously, life's a pretty big bummer right about now. Old friends are gone, good friends are going and new friends just won't come. I've always been the one that doesn't really care much about friendship, well I care, just not getting too emotionally attached to anyone so in the end, it hurts a little less. Still do think this way, but there are those friends that do get too close to and in the end, I can't let go. I keep telling myself it's pathetic, it's useless. I've tried accepting it, understanding it, avoiding it, but for some reason, it just lingers on to me, not wanting to let go. Currently, I'm faced with a pretty hard situation...To me at least. It's been hard from the beginning, but somehow I've always managed to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing. This time, I'm not so sure. Now before I get into this further, I want to let people know that I'll be dealing this on my own. Please, don't get involved. I need to do this on my own. It's about time I've learned to do these things and when people help me, it just makes me feel better, but not actually solve the problem. I need to solve this thing now. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon because I can't take it anymore. I arrive at school everyday, just to have that feeling of wanting to go home. I just want everything to work out. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. I have to. The truth of the matter is not that I can't let go because it's physically impossible to, it's because I don't want to. How long as it been...almost two weeks...wow, only two weeks...It seems a lot longer to me. Every moment that passes by seems like hours at a time. I think about it, I feel bad about it then I'd get angry about it, by then I'll probably be depressed too. Then I'll think about it some more, come to a logical conclusion and for a while, I'll be okay. It's been a hell cycle to me. I don't know what to do...I really don't. But I do know one thing though...I miss her.

Collins told me something today...My feelings show, I don't hide it well. It's probably true, when I'm feeling like shit, it's kind hard for me to fake a smile. I do it from time to time, but it's difficult. Maybe I should try harder. If people are willing to believe, that means I should be willing to do right? Yea, it makes sense. I just need to chillax...Take a few days off, enjoy the view...I need to go to my river again. Oh yes...my place of....everything. It's been so long since I've been there. I need to go again. This weekend, I'm going to go. Watch the water flow, feel the wind blow, listen to the birds sing and just get lost in the beauty of nature. I want to say I want someone to come with me, but I don't really know who...Everyone seems so distant now...So far away...Ah well...I guess I can ask around who's free this weekend. Making an effort never hurts....haha...

Hmm, it seemed like I had a lot to rant about when I was thinking of blogging today. Guess all that time spent selling crap and putting up prices took all that anger and confusion away. I was going to put up a song today, but I'm too lazy and too tired to do that...next post, I promise. With lyrics too (translated of course) for my English speaking friends.

Until then...What to do...What to do...*Spaces out*