Tired...Getting Tireder

11:36Pm and I'm still not in bed...what's wrong with me? Nothing, except I'm very tempted to write a blog xP. Let's start with yesterday...Went to play badminton, that was a lot of fun. To be truthful, it's the only time where I'm having fun and free. Just letting things go, not worrying about anything, just running around and doing something I love. Same thing happens when I'm playing games. It's just a way to cross into a world of fantasy, to relinquish my feelings, thoughts and just go with it. Feels nice, although it doesn't last. Lee showed up at badminton, for her brother, but brought the grad video camera...yea. Like many times before, when she shows up, I get this rush of adrenalin. I dunno why, I dunno how, it just always happens. Feel the blood pump right through me. Feel like I can jump higher, smash harder, run faster, but then just like many times before, God slaps me in the face by pulling my calf. Maybe it's a sign...like the many signs I've kept on receiving, but I chose not to follow them. What can I do about it, like I've said many times, to do the right thing, sometimes you have to sacrifice what you want the most. I really don't want to care anymore, just let it all go, forget everything, anything, have a new start, but I can't, not now at least. Just gotta do what feels right, until they all leave...It's started already, I just for some reason, think it's for the better. Just one more year though, I think I can start a new journey by then.

Friends, another topic that I've wanted to talk for quite a while now. I'm sure we've all had them, good ones, bad ones, but one thing that's a commonality between all of them: They leave. No matter how much they say they care, they all end up leaving. Now, I'm not saying I don't think friends are necessary. Of course they are, they'll be there for you when you need it, have good times when it's there and make the best of things when everything looks like it's all going to shit. Friends are great, everyone needs them...but I for one, will not create bonds that's been forged so tightly so that when it breaks, it feels like you've just been torn in two...again. I think the best thing to do is to just be a myself. I've been trying really hard at it xP. Help people out when they want it, treat them as a friend during the times you know each other and just keep it at that. Life's really not that bad. Shit happens, but if you just take a look at the big picture, occupy yourself from thinking about the unthinkable, it doesn't hurt as much. I don't think I'll ever truly understand how much life means until one day I experience the near death experience, to be in a position where you're about to leave everything you have, to loose everything that you care about. That moment will be the true moment that will allow you to see how wonderful life really is. How much you should treasure it because there's only one life. I think I've got my fingertips on the idea because my friend has endured that, but other than that bit of experience in my life, I'm still just a child, waiting for the spanking so I can finally wake up from the silly dream I'm living in called "Teenage".

Well, that's about as emo as anyone can get. Haha, but it's nice getting shit down, even if it's writing. To be honest, I have a slight feeling of regret for writing this, hope no one thinks about this too much. It's just another one of my rants that I sometimes live by. Things will be okay, they always will be...It's just, I'm a little tired right now...getting tireder.