Hug

Hmm...Don't think I've posted anything with an actual topic for a while. It's been really busy lately, but things have slowed down a LITTLE bit. IA, EE, WL all out of the way. Now we have TOK, CAS and Oral exams to really deal with before we finish off with the exams. It should be okay from now on though...Only thing that was a little discerning was the EE, but that went pretty well if I say so myself. Gonna try to relax this weekend a little bit...Then have to pull myself together for the rest of the year so I can get into UT xP. OHH on another note, I just got a letter of conditional acceptance for UBC today. It made things a little comforting for me because that'll be my second choice if I don't get in UT. I'm a little nervous about getting my English Diploma though...Hopefully it stays above 90 so the five courses that I selected will all be above 90. That way I might get some scholarships xP. Okay...I'm gonna stop talking about this now...Haha...I didn't even really plan on that...Just kinda came out as I typed.

Okay, anyway, what I've been wanting to talk about. Lately, the feeling of wanting a hug keeps on floating around in my mind. I don't really know why, but sometimes I get the urge to hug really badly and it's really uncomfortable. I never got into the hugging scene until grade 10 and even then, most of the hugs I've given are to one person. I can't explain it, but I really don't like asking for hugs. I guess it's not a big deal, but being the traditional thinker that I am, every hug I give I try to do it...With...Something special I guess. Being so close to someone is a special thing...Doing a half ass job on it just doesn't seem right. That's one of the biggest reasons why I'm so hesitant on hugging anyone I guess...Especially if I wanted to give someone a hug, but they didn't want it...I feel dejected and basically really bad in the end....

Yea, so I've been having these really frustrating urges to hold someone, no one in particular. I can't figure out why...I never really cared about it much before...Just recently...I dunno...Maybe it's because I keep seeing people so vulnerable and I just want to be there for them...Protect them...But I can't say that's the complete reason because I feel like I'm missing something in my life. Maybe I want a girlfriend...But at the same time, currently, I don't have any relationships with anyone that the feeling is mutual. I guess I'm just being impatient...Wait it out? I guess that's really all I CAN do...*sigH*...*Big sigH*....*BIGGER SIGH*. I think seeing so many people getting together also has something to do with it...I guess I'm kinda envious...Maybe jealous? I dunno...I don't want to think about this anymore, but I can't stop myself...

My love life...Always been so weird...So one sided...I just want to spend a day with someone that I care about, someone that cares about me, and do everything...Sit by my river, drive around anywhere, go on a ride at some amusement park. I think I'm just lonely...I don't feel like I'm needed because everyone already has someone and it's causing me to feel like I don't have a purpose. Especially yesterday, when I kinda lost hope...On her...In me...It's not anyone's fault really...I guess I depended too much on that one idea. It's okay though...Everything will be okay, they always end up okay. Fuck...

It's okay Jak...Just take it one bit at a time. Let's see...What to do...First thing on my list..."Go to bed"...Hmm I guess that's kinda important...Next, "Go to school tomorrow so go to bed." Hmm, that seems kinda important too...Okay...One more "to do thing"...Let's see..."GO TO BED YOU IDIOT!" Well...Pretty sure you guys know what I'm getting at...Haha. Alrighty then, this is delta omega Baka Me, passing out at 12:57AM.
Secret #17: I wish I knew...I wish she knew...